


Ahead By a Century

by daydreamexpress



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/F, F/M, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Modern Avonlea, Old Friends to Strangers to Lovers, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:07:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 36,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24396265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daydreamexpress/pseuds/daydreamexpress
Summary: Anne and Gilbert, aged 26, are childhood friends who have grown apart. A chance meeting in Toronto helps them begin to restore their friendship, as well as all the very complicated feelings that always came with it. With Diana and Winifred also in the mix, in a matter of days everyone finds themselves in a hellishly tangled mess of unexpected feelings. It's 2019, Green Gables is a restaurant, and they didn't get their happy ending in high school.
Relationships: Anne Shirley & Diana Barry, Anne Shirley & Everyone, Diana Barry & Cole Mackenzie & Anne Shirley, Diana Barry/Winifred Rose, Gilbert Blythe & Everyone, Gilbert Blythe & Sebastian "Bash" Lacroix, Gilbert Blythe & Winifred Rose, Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley
Comments: 79
Kudos: 173





	1. One Rainy Afternoon in Toronto

**Author's Note:**

> One of the things I often wondered while watching the show was how Anne and Gilbert's relationship would unfold in a modern setting, with modern day complications. I've realized that events of the show adapt really well to modern times, so I've stayed very loyal to them, with the main significant exception being the Anne and Gilbert did not get together as teenagers. Oh that, and Winifred and Diana are a romantic possibility. Every other character is present in my absolute favorite form: a big happy found family.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chance reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly an introductory chapter for who the characters are in this AU and their relationship to one another.

Anne hastened across the subway station, her step guided by an uneven blend of excitement and nervousness. The unnerving anxiety of being less than an hour away from pitching her first book somewhat numbed her of the thrill of being about to go in for her _first actual pitch meeting._

She walked distractedly, clutching her umbrella with both hands, and mouthing the pitch to herself yet another time, in moments almost fully out loud. A booming buzz in her pocket startled her back to her surroundings.

“About to board,” read the text from Diana, “I’ll be with you in Toronto in two hours. Good luck KS! You’ve got this, WITHOUT A DOUBT!”

Anne felt the urge to hold her phone up to her chest and squeeze it with delight. She smiled warmly at her best friend’s message, and took in a deep breath, urging herself to remember how much she believed in herself, in her truth, in her words, in her skill, and how much her family and friends did too.

‘In a short few hours it will have happened,’ she thought. ‘It will be done. It might have gone well, or badly, but it will be over. And then I’ll have a calm rest of the day with Diana.’

The train arrived, and she hopped on with firm determination.

* * *

About a thousand miles away, in Avonlea, her family went about a normal workday.

Restaurant rush hour had come to an end and only a couple of tables remained occupied at _Green Gables._ Marilla was at last ready for her lunch break when Rachel walked in for what she considered her daily briefing.

“Good day, Mar!”

“Would you look at that? Right on the dot,” greeted an ever feisty Marilla.

“How’s lunch been?” Rachel asked joyfully, taking a seat at their usual table in the back, ignoring the sarcasm she’d been so used to for more than fifty years of friendship.

“Busy as always.”

“Business is good then.”

“Well, it’s not much different than yesterday, or the day before. Which you would know, because you were here, as much as I tried to throw you out.”

“And look at me, so resilient, right back here.”

“To my great delight,” Marilla’s sass was undercut by the genuineness of her words.

“So, business is okay. Are _you_ okay?”

“I _am_.”

“Have you heard from Anne yet?”

“No!” Marilla seemed as if she’d been dying to blurt out. “I’m so nervous for her!”

“I see you almost completely wiping away the outer coat of that counter. Stop doing that! Come sit down.”

Marilla obeyed.

“You know, work isn’t as good a distraction as you think. You’re tired. You need to recharge and enjoy this time, doing fun things, preferably with your best friend. You’ve given this restaurant your life since you were sixteen. Look at _him_ ,” she pointed at Matthew, stepping out of the kitchen in perfect timing, humming joyfully. “He knows what he’s doing!”

“Hello, Rachel!” he greeted nonchalantly, and kept to his tune.

“That’s not because he’s about to retire,” Marilla rolled her eyes playfully. “It’s because he’s in the honeymoon phase.”

“I’m going to lunch with Jeannie,” Matthew announced, still in song, and left his chef’s hat on the table in front of Marilla. “Jerry’s in charge for the rest of the day. So, you can yell at him about anything,” he teased and made his way outside, running into Muriel just as she was about to enter.

“You’re a happy man!” she exclaimed as she hugged him hello.

“Of course I am,” said Matthew, turning their hug into a play waltz. “Look at what a beautiful day it is!”

“Indeed!” Muriel matched his joy. “Any news from Anne yet?”

“No, she must still be in the meeting. We’ll have good news soon, I’m sure. Either way, we always have reason to celebrate, don’t we? Are you and Hannah coming over for dinner?”

“We are! Bash and Delly, too.”

“Cannot wait!” Matthew beamed as he left, almost prancing away.

Muriel went inside and walked into a very familiar scene.

“Rachel!” Marilla called, standing up in frustration. “I don’t want to continue this conversation.”

“Alright. As you wish. You continue working. And I’ll go do…whatever I feel like doing, because I have, oh what’s that?” she gestured. “All the free time in the world! Free time I worked forty-five long years to have.”

“Not impressed, nor intrigued. You know, Thomas must be waiting to put all those extra hours to good use so pray, don’t keep him waiting. You don’t have as much time as you think!”

“Oh, you’re wrong, baby! You’re dead wrong! I got all the-”

“Time in the world!” playfully yelled the sweet visitor voice, completing the sentence that came close to being Rachel’s catchphrase.

“Muriel!”

“You know Marilla,” said Muriel taking her own usual seat next to Rachel, “She really might have all the time in the world. I think she’ll outlive us all!”

Rachel cackled.

“Rachel, stop pushing Marilla to retire. Remember when you pushed me to go a date with your niece? I was ready to move away for good.”

“Really, Muriel? Really? You don’t remember what happened the night I set you up with Lily?”

“That’s not the point.”

“Say it!”

“I met Ha-“

“You met Hannah! Therefore, your point is moot. I am never wrong! Only once in my life can I say that I have I been _slightly_ mistaken, but not more.”

“You still have to stop pushing people.”

“Huh! She will do that in hell!” quipped Marilla. “Which should be expecting her soon, fingers crossed.”

“So,” Muriel jumped to soften the banter, “Matthew just told me you haven’t heard from Anne yet.”

“Why do you think she’s being so feisty,” said Rachel. “And why do you think I’m letting her?”

“The meeting should’ve been over a while ago. I don’t know why she hasn’t called yet.”

“Well, until she does call, why don’t you help me with ideas on how to celebrate Hannah and I’s upcoming anniversary?”

“Oh, of course, it’s coming up! Five years!” exclaimed Rachel.

“Goodness! I can’t stand how quickly time flies these days!” moaned Marilla. “It feels like yesterday that you had you first date right there by the big window table.”

“You know, Thomas and I had our first date there too. Back in 1967. It was a different table of course, and window, and tiles, but same spot. It truly is magical.”

“Well, you know what Muriel, what if we leave you the restaurant that night,” proposed Marilla.

“Oh, no I would never ask you to-”

“Well, I’m offering. You and Hannah deserve a very special night. You can have a private romantic dinner right where you had your first date. Matthew will cook up a nice menu and we’ll all help set up decorations. What do you think?”

“Oh, I don’t know what to say! That would be incredible.”

“Say yes then!” urged Rachel.

“Yes! Oh, you’re an angel, Marilla!” she squeezed her lovingly.

“Well, I have to pick up Delly from gymnastics,” Rachel announced her leave. “Bash said to bring her back here since you’re having dinner.”

“Yes!” Marilla’s previously gloomy exterior now transformed entirely, “I have her study corner all set up upstairs and I’ll have Jerry make her a power snack.”

“Hmm, restaurant grade after-school snacks. I envy my goddaughter!” joked Muriel. 

“Ah, I’m anxious to hear from my daughter,” sighed Marilla, resting her face on her palm.

* * *

Rain poured down heavily as Anne stepped out of the office building. Heavily enough to provide her with a most theatrical setting to celebrate the success of her meeting, as dramatically as a public setting would allow. Far too excited to maintain a normal step, or even open her umbrella, she skipped, hopped, jigged away in elation and extreme relief, ending her endorphin fueled run with a perfectly triumphant twirl.

She spun around, and a spin, and a spin…and a clash.

Completely shaken out of her overjoyed state, and now reminded of the regrettable indelicacies of human life, a naturally anxious Anne began apologizing profusely, until, all in one fraction of second, she bashfully looked up, and immediately froze at the very familiar sight of the person she’d crashed into. 

“Anne.”

Anne had stopped in her tracks, the world, but for that voice, having gone mute. Herself having gone mute. Hyperventilating, and almost in tears, she mustered all her energy into crying out one word.

“Gilbert!”

_One name._

“Hi!” they exclaimed in unison, with intense emotion, surprise, and a great deal of horror.


	2. Old Friends in a Forgotten Setting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne and Gilbert begin to reacquaint.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Wh-Get in here, you’re drenched.”

“It’s okay. I have my own.”

“H-how are you?”

“I’m good.”

“What are you doing in Toronto?”

“I had a…a book…a pitch meeting…for my book.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful. How did-how did it go?”

“It went...well…Gilbert! I’m sorry, I can’t believe this! You’re here and we’re talking and…you’re here!”

“Yeah, I know. I think I should be more surprised that _you’re_ here.”

Anne sensed her tears betraying her. She was astounded and shocked and experiencing a million other emotions at once. There was no guarding herself from the forcefulness of feeling that took hold of her right away. The relief from a minute before had gone quicker than it came to be. So had the joy.

It was infinitely strange, Anne thought, how an encounter she had imagined to be momentous and ceremonial if it ever came to happen, should occur so unexpectedly, so randomly, that no words felt appropriate to speak. That no sentence out of either of their mouths felt proper. And how was it happening so casually? As if it weren’t a big, important, serious deal. As if she weren’t seeing Gilbert for the first time in five years, already having spoken to him longer than she had in eight.

So painfully close to her, Gilbert held his breath. His heart had stopped the second he’d seen Anne and had frozen into a heavy solid mass of anxiousness and uncertainty. All of his feelings were stirred, more so than Anne’s. Anne. There she was. It didn’t seem like she had changed.

“Anne, you might want to open your umbrella, you’re soaking wet.”

“I mean, it’d be useless now, right?”

And there it was. Anne had joked in earnest. She hadn’t changed, Gilbert was sure. He relaxed. He exhaled. He laughed, partly with relief, mostly with joy.

“Come here,” he sheltered her with his umbrella, and held out his free arm.

“No, you’ll get wet too,” Anne resisted, already leaning toward him.

“It’s alright, Carrots,” he chuckled as he welcomed her in his arms. “Don’t worry.”

When she saw him smile, all that she missed about him came striking at her heart. There was no reason to be surprised anymore. It was reality. She’d paid dearly for eight years without him in her life. The thought made her surrender. She shut her eyes and squeezed him tightly. She didn’t even protest to being called Carrots. She’d missed that nickname so much, to say the least, like she’d missed _him_.

Just like that, eight years seemed like nothing. Five most certainly were. The pouring rain was a bonfire and a scarcely occupied square in Toronto was an abandoned building in Avonlea, and the two of them were eighteen again.

Perhaps, fate, Anne thought, exhausted of seeing the two fail each other for so long, decided to work some magic. _It’s happened._ _I don’t know where we go from here, but it’s done._ Relief and joy, restored.

“It’s good to see you,” she said as she broke away. It was an understatement.

Gilbert’s arm lingered around her. Their faces were too close. Either of their hearts hadn’t beaten as fast in a long time.

“It’s good to see you too, Anne.” It was more of an understatement. “Do you want to…,” Gilbert swallowed, overcome with a little bit of every emotion, “We have to sit down. Talk.”

“I’d like that.”

* * *

Marilla and Muriel were still where Rachel had left them when she and Delly walked in.

“Nice of you to wait for us before putting on the kettle.”

“I’ll put on another! How is my beautiful girl?” Marilla opened her arms to receive Delly, who came running toward them.

“I’m wonderful!” she squeaked.

“You _are_ wonderful!”

Once Marilla and Muriel had gotten their share of hugs and kisses, little Delphine settled in her usual seat in the table.

“I hear my favorite critic is here!” Jerry walked in with Delly’s gourmet sandwich.

“Yum! I hope you have applied my feedback from last week and improved upon your technique,” spoke the nine-year-old precociously, reflecting her Auntie Anne’s clear influence. “But first! Off to wash my hands and decimate those pesky little germs.”

“Those pesky little germs!” Muriel teased.

“So, did Anne call?” asked Rachel.

“She did!” answered Marilla, now entirely relieved. “She said the meeting went well and she’s optimistic but she’ll tell us more in the evening. She sounded busy.”

“Where is Auntie Anne?” inquired Delly upon returning.

The women were silent for a few seconds.

“She had some important work Del,” answered Muriel.

“I know that. She always does. But where?”

“At a publishing house…” said Marilla, “-in Toronto,” she promptly added when Delly didn’t seem satisfied with the answer.

Everyone held their breath.

“Oh, will she see Uncle Gilby?” came the dreaded question that no one in the family had an answer to.

“She’s probably very busy darling,” explained Muriel, “So is Uncle Gilby, you know that. He’s at the hospital all day. So I don’t think they’ll have time to meet.”

“That’s too bad. We all hang out together all the time whereas Uncle Gilby’s by himself. He and Auntie Anne would have so much fun together, like I know they used to. Ah well!”

Delly dug into her sandwich, and left the matter alone. Everyone was thankful that she did.

* * *

Anne and Gilbert sat before their respective cups of tea and coffee. Neither had any idea how to navigate the situation. ‘How do you speak like a normal person when your entire body is in a state of alarm?’ each wondered. _How do I act normally with Gilbert/Anne right opposite me?_

“So, how’s being a young doctor?” Anne blurted nervously.

“Oh, I certainly don’t feel like a doctor yet. Residency is tough, taxing, not very rewarding…but it’s alright, I guess. It _was_ the dream after all. But I want to know about you. What’s your book about?”

“Well, it’s a collection of essays and some of my unpublished articles. Some old, some new. It’s exciting.”

“I _have_ kept up with your work.”

“You have?”

Gilbert hated how surprised Anne seemed by the fact. He’d once taken pride in being her greatest supporter. The first of many painful kicks was seeing plainly how he’d given that up.

“I’ve read all your pieces.”

“Well, there aren’t a lot, to be fair.”

“No. There’s quite an impressive number of them. And your writing is incredible. Like it’s always been.”

Anne well remembered how eagerly he used to cheer for her. Bittersweet memories of him doing so would often come to her unexpectedly and she always tried her best at shaking them off. It was impossible now with him sitting in front of her.

“Thank you.”

“And the meeting went well?”

“It did. Things seem promising. They said they’ll have me back by the end of the week.”

“So you’ll be here until then?”

There was a childish excitement in his tone that delighted Anne.

“I will,” she smiled heartily.

The silence wasn’t painful anymore. Despite their lingering anxiousness, relief and excitement at being there with each other at last, dominated.

“Do you still live in Charlottetown?” Gilbert asked.

“Only in theory. I’m supposed to live with Cole and Diana but I actually spend most of my time at home in Avonlea. Matthew jokes that if other parents get at least eighteen years with their kids then mathematically speaking, only when I’m thirty-one will it all be even.”

“I remember him saying that,” Gilbert laughed, “How are Matthew and Marilla? I miss them.”

“They’re well. Really well. Matthew has started dating his old friend Jeannie.”

“Yes, that’s great!”

Gilbert knew. Bash had mentioned it a few days before. Anne was desperate to know how much he kept in touch with Avonlea and whether Bash purposely avoided mentioning her to him like he, along with everyone else, avoided mentioning him in front of her.

“It is. I’m really happy for him. He’s even about to retire. Jerry will replace him as head chef of Green Gables. I mean he already kind of has, because Matthew doesn’t really spare his off days, unlike Marilla who is always working.”

Anne felt she was beginning to ramble, but adored the realization that it was to Gilbert, and about her family. _Their family._

“We’re even having a party to celebrate Matthew’s retirement. And Jerry becoming head chef. I have an ongoing bet with him that Matthew will propose to Jeannie that night.”

“Wow, that’s exciting! A party is very fitting.”

“Everyone is excited! It’s been ages since we had a proper blowout.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“I mean, we share meals, we have game nights, we toast to everything that happens, but, I think the last time we really had a big celebration at Green Gables, with guests and decorations was…our high school graduation.”

For a second, Anne forgot what that night meant to them.

“Oh,” was all the sound Gilbert made.

“Yes, well, I didn’t mean to...I forgot it was then…It’s hard to avoid…It’s old history right?”

“Oh, ancient.”

“Good. I mean…we can’t really ignore that…” Anne began to panic, “Gilbert, why is this the first time I’ve seen you in what, almost five years?”

“Anne…”

“And even then, at Miss Stacy’s wedding, we barely spoke. It wasn’t since…”

“High school graduation.”

“It was eight years ago really, that we had our last actual conversation.”

_And what a conversation._

Gilbert looked down at his half empty cup. He couldn’t look at Anne, dreading what she would say next. He knew how much he’d disappointed her. After the years had piled on each other, and matters neglected so out of hand, there was still no logical reason he could produce.

“Anne…I-”

“I’ve missed you.”

“What?”

“Does it surprise you?”

“No, I-That’s not what I thought you’d say.”

“What did you think I’d say?”

“What I need to be told. What I’ve dreaded hearing for a long time.”

“Well, I’ll spare you all of it. I know you know where you’ve gone wrong. I know where I’ve gone wrong too. But we were… _family_. Our families are still family. And we all miss you.”

“I miss you too. All of you.”

They were now looking into each other’s eyes with a familiar intensity. Gilbert felt so much stir in his heart as he rehearsed in his head his next intended words. _Especially you Anne. I’ve missed you more than you could possibly know._ Anne almost sensed it and held her breath waiting for him to speak them.

“There you are!” spoke a woman’s voice instead. She kissed Gilbert hello and offered Anne her hand.

“Hi, I’m Winifred. Gilbert’s girlfriend.”


	3. Surprise (Second) Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A good deal of reminiscing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tribute/love letter to the show (more so than usual).

Anne froze just a teensy bit. She handled meeting Winifred fairly well, she’d say, as stupefied as she was.

“Hi! I’m Anne. His old friend.” She took pride in how casual her tone sounded.

“Yes, you’re Anne Shirley Cuthbert! When you said you were with a friend,” Winifred turned to Gilbert, “You didn’t mention it was the Anne Shirley Cuthbert.”

“She’s humble,” Gilbert jived. “I was staying humble on her behalf.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, Anne. Gilbert has shared with me a few of your pieces. You’re very talented.”

“Thank you so much. That means the world to me!” _Okay, not the world._

 _“_ He’s _very_ proud of you.” _Now, that does mean the world._

Anne was once again overcome with opposing emotions, but all she wanted to do was smile at Gilbert. Naturally, he wasn’t looking at her. His eyes were fixed on the table.

He was doing his best to suppress his panic. It was immensely difficult to manage appearing calm and… _blithe,_ forgive him, in front of Winnie, in the middle of reuniting with Anne, bearing the burden of what she might be thinking.

“Your essay in The Walrus, about being adopted as an older child by siblings, was fascinating.”

“I did always use to say,” Gilbert stepped in, speaking slowly and feigning composure, “Anne becoming a world-renowned celebrated writer was the only possible outcome.”

“Who?!” Anne burst into laughter. “When?”

“Come on, you’ve been a star at this since we were kids.”

If all of Anne’s work was a number of articles, while impressive, Winifred thought, Gilbert’s compliments did sound hyperbolic. It was unlike him to exaggerate.

“See, he really sings your praises,” she said.

“Anne would write these fantastical tales of any genre,” Gilbert was now very giddy. “From romance,” he turned to Anne, “To horror,” he turned to Winnie, “And remember how you’d read them passionately in class?” to Anne again.

“Goodness,” said Anne. “I shudder to think of it. I remember the funny looks and I don’t miss them. It makes me happy to remember my past boldness though. I wish I had more of it now.”

“I doubt you’re any less fearless now than you used to be, _Carrots_.”

He was certainly looking at her now. Anne’s entire being rattled with thrill. _Like then_. Enough to protest this time. _Like then._

“Hey, don’t call me that,” she was fully smiling. “I don’t have a slate but I will find something to whack you with. I have three heavy manuscripts in my bag.”

“Please don’t.” Gilbert was fully smiling too.

Anyone who knew them knew of those precious smiles too. Smiles only reserved for each other. Smiles not smiled in eight years.

“What’s that about?” asked Winifred, shaking them off a brief trance.

“Oh, it’s an old joke,” Gilbert answered.

An old joke Anne was thankful to remember. “You know, I’d totally forgotten about it until just now,” she said.

“I hadn’t,” Gilbert smirked, making Anne feel lighter than ever. She wanted to shake as many happy memories out of him as she could. Winifred’s questioning stare at least gave her a chance to dig into them.

“When we were in eighth grade,” Anne turned to Winifred joyously, “We had these slates that we used in one of our classes.”

“Was that class in the eighteen-hundreds?”

“Our teacher, Mr. Phillips was really peculiar,” Anne explained. “So, one day- and this was when I’d just arrived in Avonlea, we weren’t friends yet-”

“And I wanted us to be,” Gilbert interrupted.

“No, he wanted to get my attention because I refused to speak to him.”

“To this day I don’t know why.”

“I did tell you why later. It was because Ruby wouldn’t let me.”

“Oh, yes, I forgot.”

“Ruby was a classmate of ours and she was in love with Gilbert for a few years,” Anne digressed. “But senior year she and another classmate started dating and they’re actually still together to this day.”

“Ruby and Moody? Really?” asked Gilbert.

“Yeah. I forget you’re a luddite and have no idea what social media is _._ Or keeping up with your friends _.” Unnecessary._

“If anything’s true about him, it’s that,” Winifred commented. “But wow! Good for your friends. That’s so rare.”

“It is, right? I mean who’s so fortunate as to meet the love of their life in grade school?”

No one could say why, but the three-second silence that followed Anne’s words was worlds more uncomfortable than it should have been.

“So that slate, Anne?” urged Winifred.

“Right. The slate. So, he was particularly stubborn at the time. He hated that I wasn’t speaking to him. And he kept on calling me and trying to distract me in class. Until he pulled on my braid and called me _carrots_.”

“You did?” Winifred said to Gilbert. “That sounds nothing like you.”

“I learned a good lesson that day.”

“Because _I_ ’d had enough,” continued Anne. “I took my slate and I whacked him right across the face with it. It broke in my hand.”

“You broke the slate on his face?”

Anne nodded.

“Served you right, I guess,” Winifred sneered.

“It did serve me right,” Gilbert glanced proudly at Anne.

“What happened then? Did you get punished?” asked Winifred.

“Yes, Mr. Philips grounded me. And decided good old notebooks would do so we got rid of the slates.”

Anne glossed over the fact that she didn’t return to school for days afterwards. She wondered if Gilbert remembered that detail.

“They might have been banned, I think,” he joked.

“Not that thirteen-year-old me couldn’t use any regular old notebook as a cold weapon.”

“No doubt about it. I’m sure you did.”

They laughed aloud for a few seconds and sighed at once.

“That incident was the beginning of a great…friendship,” Anne concluded the story.

There had been an end to it too, but the memory of it seemed to grow more and more faded with each laugh they shared together.

“This is so interesting,” said Winifred. “You’ve barely told me any anecdotes from your life in Avonlea. I want to know more. Tell me, Anne. What else did you do all those years together in school, other than incite violence?”

The question was infinitely broad and invited many more answers than Winnie should have wanted to hear.

“Well, we were on the newspaper club in high school,” Anne said off the top of her head.

“Miss Stacy ran it,” Gilbert clarified. Winifred had naturally heard of her. “Here’s a good story, Winnie, about how Anne went rogue with an article and started a whole movement in Avonlea.”

“Gilbert, we were having fun,” Anne moaned.

“I’m sorry. I know what prompted it is awful but what you did remains incredible. Tell Winnie yourself.”

“Alright,” Anne sighed. “There was an unfortunate incident once between two of our classmates and the school heard. Of course, everyone was gossiping about our friend and not the bastard who overstepped his boundaries. I wanted to address it so that everyone would hear. So I went rouge, as he says, and wrote an article about the unfairness of it all and…no one was expecting it.”

“Anne got a lot of heat for quote making a school newspaper political.”

“How is that political?” scoffed Winifred.

“We had mean old sexist principal,” explained Gilbert.

“He tried to stop us from writing about such matters,” added Anne, “He gave us a list of acceptable topics to write about.”

“Isn’t that-?”

“Censure,” they said in unison.

“But here’s the legendary part of the story,” Gilbert spoke excitedly, “You think Anne would let something like that happen?”

“It wasn’t just me who had a hand in it. It was you who tore up the list right in his face.”

“It was your plan we were executing. The idea was all yours. And it worked.”

“What did?” asked Winnie.

“We organized a march across Avonlea for freedom of speech,” Gilbert’s eyes fluttered, “Even the local news got involved. Miss Stacy herself took a photo of the principal trying to pry a sign from the hands of one student.”

“Yeah, Tillie!”

“And she posted it online.”

“There was so much outrage.”

“He was fired,” Gilbert proudly declared.

“You got him fired?”

“We gave him an early retirement,” said Anne, “A man like that should have never been running a school.”

“And proudly so! After that Anne swore she would devote herself to challenging the status quo every day and she’s done just that.”

She had announced it to him the next day. It delighted Anne to no end that he remembered.

Gilbert, on the other hand, was struggling to conceal his distress over that the fact that it had been then that he’d realized how deep, how intense, how irrepressible his love for Anne was. _Ancient history_ , he had to remind himself.

“How long have you been dating?” Anne took her chance to shift the topic briskly to them.

“Almost a year,” Winnie jumped to answer. “But we’ve known each other longer. I had my eye on him since med school. It wasn’t until we started residency together that I finally got him to ask me out.”

Gilbert’s cheeks flushed scarlet. Anne was more familiar than anyone with the amusing phenomenon. She almost made a joke about his cluelessness, but given their history, she thought it cruelly tasteless. She didn’t really know how to respond.

“Anne, tell me more about teenage Gilbert!” Winnie spoke before she could.

“Well, I always beat him in spelling competitions!” Anne blurted. _Harmless, right?_

“Yes, she was a champ!” Gilbert agreed. _Harmless_.

“Although, I think he let me win once.”

“I never did.”

“I just don’t believe how you could have gotten _that_ word wrong.”

“What was the word?” asked Winifred.

“I don’t even rememb-”

“Engagement, can you believe it?”

“Oh! He really does seem to dislike that word,” Winnie’s implications clear as day. _Not quite harmless_. “You know, Anne, when Gilbert mentioned he was friends with you I thought you were just classmates, not that you were ever this close. And I surely didn’t know your time in school was this exciting.”

“We had some good times. And our families were really close. They…still are.”

“It sounds like you were close too.”

Anne and Gilbert both lowered their gaze. Winnie had spoken a painful sentence. There was silence.

“Shit!” suddenly yelled Anne, digging frantically through her bag. “I’m so sorry! I have to go. Diana must have arrived in Toronto a while ago and we were supposed to meet but I still had my phone on silent from the meeting and…oh so many missed calls.”

“Diana’s in town?”

“Yeah, she has a graduate school interview,” Anne hurriedly explained as she gathered her things. “Winnie, it was so nice meeting you. I’m sorry we were so caught up in our memories today. I’d love to know more about you.”

“It’s alright Anne. It was nice meeting you too.”

“Wait,” Anne took out a pen and messily scribbled on a napkin. “This is my number. Text me both of yours right away. Bye, guys.”

Winnie chuckled.

“She’s like…a literary character.”

 _She didn’t have to tell Gilbert._ She took the napkin and added the number to her phone.

“I’m surprised you don’t have her phone number.”

The fact saddened Gilbert infinitely more than Winifred could know.

“She spells her name with an E, right?”

“Yeah.”


	4. The Joyful Lightness of Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne and Gilbert process the events of the day and experience their first important realizations.

Gilbert glared out of the car window, paralyzed in thought. He recalled the events of the day with ever-growing doubt of their occurrence, yet in awe of the relief and genuine happiness gripping his heart.

“Anne is fantastic,” spoke Winnie out of the blue.

“She is.” Gilbert smiled a risky smile, but Winnie was too attentive a driver for him to suppress it.

“She must’ve kept you on your toes in high school.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. She seems so...spirited and you’re so down-to-earth. I’d have a hard time picturing it if you didn’t paint the picture so clearly today. The way I see it, if you were a TV duo she’d be the zealous go-getter and you’d be the reluctant partner who gets dragged in her shenanigans.”

“It _was_ kind of like that,” he chuckled. There had been much more passion in Gilbert himself when he and Anne were friends, but it had long fizzled out of him. Years ago, he too had imagined them as protagonists on a TV show. Her as the fiery heroine and him, the doe eyed dope madly in love with her. It hadn’t ended well; fans were outraged. _Well, not outraged, heartbroken._ (He was fans.)

“How did you become so close?”

Gilbert would’ve been beyond reluctant to tell her had this been any other day. For the first time in years, he felt joy bringing to mind the memory of their beginnings.

“Anne and I became friends when she came to Avonlea, re: The Great Slate Incident of 2006,” they chuckled, “Although at the time it was pure academic rivalry that drove our friendship. It wasn’t really until after Bash and I came back to Avonlea that we all became close. The Cuthberts were angels to us. Me having just lost my dad and Bash being so young himself, becoming my legal guardian. They’d have us over all the time, and we’d have them over and pretty soon we became an inseparable bunch. And Anne and I, naturally grew close. Being orphans also kind of gave us more to have in common. Our group became even more tight knit when Bash started dating Mary and then when Delly came along. We truly made for the most unconventional of families.”

Gilbert spoke more words at one time than Winnie had ever heard him speak, and with unprecedented enthusiasm in his tone. He then went quiet for a few seconds, and his voice quivered as he continued.

“Anne helped me a lot in dealing with Mary’s death. I had to be strong for Bash and she was the one who was strong for me. We had a great bond.”

It felt agonizing for Gilbert to speak in the past tense. He wished right then that he wouldn’t have to anymore.

“That was evident,” Winnie said endearingly. “I wish you had told me all of this before. You’ve been very vague about your past. It shouldn’t be this hard for you to talk about it.”

“You’re right,” Gilbert replied, genuinely. “I’m sorry.”

“I still don’t understand how you hadn’t spoken to Anne in five years until today.”

Naturally, Winnie doubted some complication of a romantic nature, but after Gilbert’s confession, it felt too out of place to ask.

“That’s just life,” he struggled to sound apathetic. “I don’t get it either.”

It wasn’t a lie. He didn’t get it. He could describe it, narrate it, analyze it, but at no point did he understand how they’d ended up where they had. But for the first time in a long while, the sweet thought came after the bitter and not the other way around. The streak was now over at last, and he could get to work making sure it didn’t build up again.

“Well, based on what I saw today,” said Winnie, “I could have sworn you’ve been best friends all this time.”

Gilbert’s heart leaped at the idea that _perhaps, they had never stopped, only…paused_. _Yes_ , he adored the thought.

* * *

Anne stood cross-armed before Diana. Diana sat on the bed looking somewhere into the distance, spectacularly befuddled.

“Diana, say something.”

“Gilbert.”

“Yes.”

“Gilbert Blythe.”

“Him.”

“This entire fucking city and you run into _him_.”

“It wasn’t that unlikely, Dee.”

Diana kept staring at nothing.

“Come on,” Anne nudged her, “It’s not a big deal.”

“How is it not!” Diana exploded up from the bed.

“I was happy to see him!”

“What about him? Was he happy to see you?”

“He was. We went to a coffee shop. We talked for hours.”

“Oh! Sounds like a romcom.”

“Diana.”

“What did you talk about? I mean where did you even start?”

“We talked about a little bit of everything. The old days. School.”

“And? How did it feel to see him?”

“It felt like many different things. Strange, but mostly great. Like I said, I was happy to see him.”

“Anne. Don’t act brave. And don’t be glib. You just saw Gilbert for the first the time in five years. It can’t have been such a casual encounter.”

“It wasn’t!”

“I don’t forgive you,” Diana threatened.

“What?”

“I’ll only forgive you for forgetting about me if you tell me the truth. Because I know you would have never forgotten me unless something major had happened. I was actually praying that it wasn’t some accident! Well, my prayers were answered. Of all the non-tragic things that could have happened, the worst of them did. You running into Gilbert Blythe!” Diana gestured dramatically as she paced the room, then leaned menacingly toward Anne. “So now you’ll confess and you will spare no detail!”

“Alright!” Anne threw her hands up in defeat. “I came out of my meeting and I was very happy that it went well. I was celebrating, a little bit too theatrically, and I bumped into someone who turned out to be Gilbert! When I saw him, I was flummoxed! I was flabbergasted! I couldn’t believe he was standing right there and I couldn’t believe just how fast five years had gone by,” Anne gasped for breath, then resigned to a calmer, wistful tone. “But once the initial shock subsided all I could think was… _At last!_ I knew it was bound to happen sometime. I’d wished it wouldn’t take any longer! I never thought it would occur by accident, and I’m disappointed that we’ve been such cowards, especially since we had a great time. But at least it happened. And the truth is Dee, I feel like I can breathe again.”

Emotions flowed out of Anne at a speed and intensity far greater than she’d earlier resolved to display. Diana had worked her kindred spirit magic of allowing no feeling to remain unspoken, and had urged more out of her that she consciously felt.

“And what now?” asked Diana softly, “Just like that, you’re in each other’s lives again?”

“I don’t know. I hope so. I don’t…I’m not going to let it happen again.”

“What?”

“Us falling out of touch. I’m going to do something this time.”

“It’s not like it was ever your doing, Anne.”

“I let it happen, Dee. I didn’t insist. You know that he would have listened to me if I had. But I held an ugly grudge and I let our friendship go. Today felt like a wake-up call from fate.”

“I feel like you’re letting him off the hook for something he is very responsible for. It took effort, Anne. What he did. To dismiss your friendship, to not call you up when he’s in Avonlea, to actively avoid you all these years. And how hurt were you when he left out of the blue? After hurting your feelings in that letter.”

“Diana it’s been eight years! can’t be hung up on feelings. He and I were friends first. I’m over all that…other stuff.”

“Well I’m not! He hurt you. He needs to hear it. Did you even address it?”

“No, we didn’t talk about how we left things.”

“That mother-”

“Diana!”

“Anne, if the first thing he did when he saw you was not drop on his knees and apologize than he has trouble with me. Eight-year-old trouble. That’s right! Your grudges may be weak but not mine. Mine are full blown fury-fueled feuds.”

“As much as I love your alliteration-packed rants, I need you to relax. I will give him a chance to make things right, after I’ve done my part too. That’s where we begin.”

Diana sighed and plunged on the bed.

“I am more furious than I should be, I know. I should be happy you spoke.”

“We did more than just speak. We reminisced. We laughed. Dee, I’m sure he and I will talk about what went wrong between us. But we have to be delicate about it. I don’t want him out of my life again. I know you’re mad at him, but you don’t need to be. Not for me.”

“He was my friend too, Anne. It’s shitty how it’s always automatically about you and Gilbert when he was our friend too.”

“I know that’s what you’re mad about. But think about it. You and Cole and I had each other. He was alone in Toronto. I’ve been stupid Dee, to hold him responsible all this time.”

“When are you going to see him again?”

“I don’t know! I had to hurry off when I saw your missed calls but I gave his girlfriend my number and she texted me with his too so I’ll text them-”

“Wait, back the fuck up!”

“What?” Anne braced herself.

“You…met…his girlfriend!”

“I did and she’s great. What is the matter?”

“I don’t know! The history between you two.”

“What did you expect?” Anne yelled. “That he was in love with me after all? Waiting around for me all this time?”

“Okay, I didn’t say that. That came from you.”

“Look. None of this is a big deal. None of it. I’m glad I saw Gilbert again. I’m glad I met Winnie. She is wonderful and there’s actually so much more I need to know about her. Gilbert and I practically hogged the conversation with our old stories.”

“That sounds familiar,” Diana muttered, and then let out a heavy sigh. “So, you’ve had quite the afternoon, huh?”

“It _was_ quite memorable,” Anne rested her head on Diana’s shoulder. “I missed him Dee. So much! You know how much we cared for each other. The bond we had. Things ended up being messy, yes. I was hurt, yes. But if anyone is worth forgetting it all, it’s Gilbert. Today perfectly reminded me why. It shouldn’t have taken eight years but I’m very excited to have him in my life again. Our life, sorry.”

“Did he tell _you_ he missed you?”

“He did. He said he missed all of us.”

“I’d like see that myself. Text him when you can and set it up!”

“I’m sure he’ll look forward to seeing you.”

“Oh, the man better dread it.”

Anne laughed at Diana’s words and especially her wording. _The man._ He hadn’t been a _man_ last they were friends. The obvious realization that they were now grownups was more alarming to Anne than logically made sense, but it did present her with the courage to act _urgently_ and bring to an end, once and for all, the childish delusion that _they had time_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I firmly believe that Diana as a modern character would swear a ton and be hilariously furious all the time.


	5. Heart(s) Aflutter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The full story of how Gilbert and Anne ran into each other and the last developments of that fateful day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something I haven't mentioned before is that when I was trying to decide when the last time Anne and Gilbert saw each other was, I thought five years would be too much given the strength of their friendship. But then I thought, if someone told me today they haven't seen someone since 2015, I wouldn't think it's been a long time and then it would hit me: five years. It happens and time flies and well, good thing Anne and Gilbert in this universe didn't make it to five.

Gilbert’s phone screen was shaking with his still-trembling hands as he waited for Bash to pick up.

“Hey, I’ve been waiting all day for you to text!” Bash declared energetically upon answering, “I’ve been so anxious!”

Any calmer state Gilbert might have entered a little earlier he’d escaped as soon as he remembered to fill Bash in with the extraordinary events of the day, which had originated with a call to him.

“So?” he insisted. “Did you go after her?”

“I did,” Gilbert answered through a deep, emotion-riddled breath. “I saw her.”

“And?!”

“We sat down. We talked.”

“So, it’s finally happened?” Bash asked with considerate delicacy, to which Gilbert responded with a wide, joyful, almost involuntary smile of relief.

“That’s the reaction I’d always anticipated.” Bash’s entire face gleamed. “You and Anne, reunited at last. Well, Hallelujah!”

His reaction amused Gilbert. He knew their families would receive such news with a joy and relief comparable to his, and hopefully Anne’s.

“So, to be clear. You’re speaking again?”

“Yes, Bash. We spoke for hours.”

“And you’re friends again?”

“I don’t know. I hope. Yes.”

“You hope? You better make sure.”

A chuckle confirmed he had every intention to.

“Ha! I knew it the second you called today.” Bash leaned back in his chair. “There was something in your voice I hadn’t heard in quite a while. This very noticeable, singular kind of nervousness you used to get. I’m very familiar with it.”

“Really, just from my voice?”

“Gilby boy, I know you best in this entire world. I do not need visuals to know when your heart’s aflutter.”

“Bash,” Gilbert turned horrifically serious. “It’s been a very long time. You know it’s not at all like that. You can’t tease me like you did when I was a kid.”

“Of course not,” spoke Bash in pretend gravity. “You’re not a kid anymore. You’re just a grown man who didn’t speak to his high school crush for eight years just because she didn’t return his feelings.”

“Bash!” Gilbert had seen the words coming. He braced himself.

“I know, I know! You were just a broken-hearted teenager. I know the song. I’ve sung it with you. And I know Anne’s been at fault too, but you have been so childish well into adulthood! I can’t believe you did nothing until today! And you had to see Anne from across a Toronto subway station for it to strike you that you need to see her!”

“Bash, you know I know all that. And you know I took a step today after all this time and you still scold me. What about the fact that you knew that Anne was in Toronto and didn’t even mention it to me. How often has that happened?”

“She doesn’t visit that often.”

“But she has. We talk almost every day and you never mention her.”

“Are you stating fact there or criticizing me?”

“Why wouldn’t you at least mention it when she’s here?”

“Because I’ve seen you avoid her for years!” Bash turned indignant. “I tried to convince you enough times to make things right and you never did. You said you would when you came to Avonlea but you never found the time when you were here. You said you would at Muriel and Hannah’s wedding and you barely said two words to each other then. Why then would I mention it to you when she’s there?”

“Because it was only in the beginning that I avoided her. Only initially. I didn’t want to later. I would’ve jumped at the chance to see her…If I knew she’d want to see me.”

“If you wanted to meet up with her, you know how easy that would be. Besides, you didn’t know if she wanted to see you today and you still went after her. Because you surely knew in your heart that Anne would never resent you.”

Gilbert swallowed, then breathed, then sighed.

“My letter.”

“What letter?”

_This was happening._

“Remember graduation?”

“The whole…? Vaguely. You never told me exactly what happened.”

Strangely enough, perhaps due to how deliberately he and Anne had to dance around graduation night earlier, Gilbert wanted nothing but to talk of it.

“I told Anne about the summer program in Toronto. Remember that? I was in agony because I wasn’t ready to leave her yet and at this point I was fully aware of my feelings. She told me she’d miss me but if it really were such a great opportunity then… _what was holding me back_? Her exact words.”

“And that’s when you told her.”

“And she told me there was no future for us….basically.”

“And the letter?”

“I knew what I said to her that night and how it came out was all wrong. So, I confessed the full extent of my feelings. All I’d failed to say the night before. Just so she knew.”

“Is that why you left right away? That summer helped you a lot. I never questioned it later.”

“That was my earliest excuse. I could have done without that summer. I ran, Bash, and it felt stupid but it confirmed Anne did not share my feelings. Then, you know…silence,” he smiled gloomily.

“I could’ve known the full story much earlier, Gil.”

“What you knew is all essentially true,” he chuckled. “But I was not embarrassed because Anne didn’t love me back. I felt our friendship was over. Our deep connection, gone. Because of me. That’s why I couldn’t face her. Miss Stacy’s wedding proved it too.”

“What about today?”

“Today…I felt like a fool for ever thinking that,” he said firmly, sealing the sentence with a proud smile. “When I first saw her run with books in her hand, she looked like the same Anne I met at thirteen. Same bizarre mix of determination and absentmindedness,” he gestured comically with his hands, as the warmest, softest expression took hold of his face and sent his gaze somewhere into the distance. “ _My friend._ ”

He went silent for a few seconds. Bash didn’t nudge him.

“I waited for her in front of the publishing house for an hour and a half,” he continued. ”I told myself to leave the whole time but I never moved. I also felt like an idiot the whole time, except for the second she came out. She was dancing, just like she did when she won at something, especially if she’d beaten me.”

“That was also Anne, _your friend_ , I assume.”

“Yeah, of course,” he said distractedly. “I missed her. I don’t think I even told her.”

“I’m sure it will come up,” Bash reassured. Gilbert remained pensive.

“Have you…mentioned Anne to Winnie?” Bash’s tone rightly pointed.

“Yeah, she joined us later. I think she and Anne really hit it off.”

“Oh. Does she kn-?”

“No. Ancient history, Bash.”

Bash refrained from comment. He had plenty of thoughts, but none could be dropped on Gilbert that afternoon.

“Will you see Anne again soon?”

“I hope so.”

“Remember, she was always _your friend_ first.”

“We were family, she said today. Emphasis on were.”

“You were. And you sure brought together a whole family. Speaking of which,” Bash pointed at the time, “We’re due for dinner with the Cuthberts in twenty minutes.”

“Let me say hi to Delly and I’ll be out of your hair.”

“Of course.”

Bash took the phone to his daughter, certain there was nothing more he could say to Gilbert that with time, he wouldn’t figure out himself.

“Hey Delly!”

“Uncle Gilby! How are you?”

“I’m very good. How are you?”

“I’m wonderful!”

“You _are_ wonderful! How was school?”

“It was good.”

“And gymnastics?”

“It was great! I held my handstand a full minute today!”

“I’m so proud of you!”

“I’m proud of you too, Uncle Gilby!” she said with her chin high, then neared to whisper to the phone. “Look, I just wanted you to know that Auntie Anne is in Toronto and I know you’re really busy but can’t you make some time? You don’t have to call here if it gives you more time. I hereby renounce my allotted time!”

“Delly,” Gilbert laughed, “Why do you want us to meet so badly?”

“Because you’re friends right? In all the pictures I see and all the stories I hear. Gilbert and Anne this. Anne and Gilbert that. But I’ve never seen you together since. Is life really that busy?”

“Little Delphine,” Gilbert smiled, “Wise beyond her years, so smart- and a little nosy! I will do as you say. In fact, I’ll text your Auntie Anne right now.”

And he did.

“Yes! My powers of persuasion are unmatched!”

“They sure are.”

“Alright, now I have to get ready for dinner.”

“Say hi to everyone for me, okay?”

“I always do!”

* * *

Anne lay in bed, typing away at a wrist cramping speed. The events of the day played in the back of her mind continuously, urging her to abandon her work in an instant and turn to a draft message on her phone addressed to Gilbert, which she would then erase, decide not to send and return to her work with intense determination. She did so four or five times until, through a moment’s resolve, she shut down her computer and held out her phone in front of her, looking to craft the perfect message.

She wrote and erased and wrote and erased and almost gave up, when a text arrived, signed by Gilbert, staring right at her, white in black.

“Do you think you’ll be free tomorrow evening? This is Gilbert.”

“I will be,” she wrote back, without thinking twice. The smile on her face was wide and cheerful of a unique sort that made Anne grateful Diana was not in the room with her.

“Hey,” Anne interrupted her, “We’ll see Gilbert tomorrow night.”

“Tomorrow, huh?” Diana didn’t look up from her notes.

“Is that okay for you? Your interview’s in the morning right?”

“Yeah, it’s okay for me. I predict you’ll be seeing a lot of Gilbert during your stay,” she cruelly murmured.

“Why do you say that?”

“Why, you have all these years to make up for right?”

“Is that all you mean?”

“Sure.”

Anne’s phone rang from the other room.

“I have to fill my family in but know that one more piece of inappropriate sarcasm and you’re uninvited.”

“Oh, no!”

* * *

“Good evening!” Matthew greeted his guests, immediately helping Delly to a piggy back ride that gave Jeannie due cause for alarm.

“Any news from Anne?” asked Bash, feeling guilty for knowing more than they’d told him.

“Yeah, her meeting went great. Marilla’s still on the phone with her.”

“Bash!” Marilla called, and came to hug him hello, swiftly pulling him aside. “Anne told me she saw Gilbert today.”

He was surprised by how quickly Marilla mentioned it to him, or that she did at all.

“Did you not speak with Gilbert?”

“No, I did. He was very happy. Relieved.”

“So was Anne. Do you think they’ve finally put whatever happened…or didn’t happen…behind them? I was so sure this silence wouldn’t last but here I was just helping Muriel plan her five year anniversary when it hit me they haven’t spoken to each other in that long.”

“Until today that is.”

“Yes! Was it really it? I’d begun to think there’d be balloons and party horns blowing when they finally saw each other. Not that they would randomly run into each other in the street.”

“Marilla, no one is as happy as I am, but when I spoke to Gilbert today I saw how hard this has been on him, like I’m sure it was on Anne too. So I say we just let the kids resolve things themselves. With time.”

“Kids!” Marilla scoffed, “You’re right. It’s not our business. We’ll just...be here for them as always.”

“I'm certain they’ll find their way home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 will finally be the dawn of a new day.


	6. Speech, Talk and Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the old trio: Anne, Gilbert, Diana, until it's a duo again. Diana weighs in and Rachel hears a piece of news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could edit the chapters faster but life has kind of gone back to normal (i.e:exams), although NOTHING is normal. I hope everyone is doing okay. It feels like the whole world collectively has been on fight or flight for a long time. I wish everyone who sees this finds (or is hopefully already cherishing) some peace of mind. If you're reading this, I love you. These characters give me a sense of purpose and getting to write these works is my moment of peace. Thank you for reading.

Gilbert waited outside, with hands fidgeting in and out of his jacket pockets, the recently revisited details of his and Anne’s distant past, fresh on his brain. His anxiety, together with the opposing excitement of rekindling what was once a friendship for the ages, rested heavily on his eyebrows, on a most burdened facial expression, one that anybody, even a distracted passerby, could notice. Anybody but an equally nervous Anne, who was just stepping out with much out-of-character reluctance.

“Move it, restless rump!” Diana gave her a kick in the buttocks.

“Glad you’ve moved on to another epithet!” Anne said through her teeth, the two already out the door. _Twitchy tush_ and _antsy ass_ Diana had already exhausted all afternoon while witnessing Anne’s hidden anticipatory panic. _Fidgety fuck_ she’d shelved for later.

Anne knew Gilbert was there, but the sight of him stunned her nonetheless. He looked particularly handsome in the street light. She felt an unwelcome skip of the heart, which she adamantly ignored.

“Hey!” they greeted each other with a polite hug both had thought of all day, even rehearsed. It wasn’t as natural as either wanted it to be. It bore years of distance still, despite their eagerness to accelerate their reunion into a full fledged friendship. That was still many potentially painful talks away, they thought. The pain of disconnection jabbed at their hearts, and they violently despised the feeling.

“Diana!” Gilbert called as she appeared after Anne, his tone perfectly reflective of how he felt. Excited. _Terrified_.

“How many years has it been Blythe?”

“Several.”

“Correct!” Diana spoke with menace. “So, have you planned to take us out-of-towners anywhere?”

“Uh, there’s a really good diner style restaurant we could walk to. I thought that would be a fun setting to catch up.”

“Perfect!” exclaimed Anne, trying to ease the tension. “It’ll be just like old days. Let’s go!”

“Oh, you mean with me trying to get a word in edgewise while you two stare each other to death? I hope not.”

Gilbert smirked, horrified as he was, and Anne turned to give Diana the most hellishly threatening look she had. She only ever used it on her. “Be good!” she mouthed. Diana shrugged.

The short way to the restaurant went by with a simple exchange of pleasantries and no word bombs from Diana. The night was young.

* * *

“Good evening!” Rachel announced her entrance. None of the Green Gables regulars looked up.

“Busy, busy, busy!” Marilla hastened, clipboard in hand.

“Come on, it’s Tuesday night.”

Marilla stopped and looked at her oldest friend as if to contemplate, like she’d done all day, whether to share with her a piece of information she knew would not be safe in Rachel’s brain.

“Look, I swear,” pleaded Rachel, ”I’m just here for some delightful company. I won’t mention retirement. I won’t drop any hints. I’m just here as a regular.”

The right words to soften Marilla’s heart.

“I’m sorry, Rach. It’s not you. I’ve been distracted all day.”

“Ah! I knew it!”

“What?”

“I smelled it before I even walked in. You have news.”

“What? No. No news.”

“Yes news.”

“Rachel. I’m busy. No news.”. _Never mind. Never ever mind!_ Marilla’s heart hardened again.

“Good evening, ladies!” called Delly, having sneaked up to them.

“Del! Good evening. What are you doing here at this hour?”

“I was Auntie Em’s for the evening. We had an early girl’s night.”

“And where is your Auntie Em?”

“She’s coming.” Delly settled on her seat next to Rachel. “So!” she’d been dying to dish, “I am here to gloat. All of you told me that Auntie Anne and Uncle Gilby were too busy to see each other. Well, not if I had anything to say about it. I convinced him to ask her to meet.”

Marilla froze. Rachel smiled devilishly.

“No news, Marilla?”

“Yes, Del,” said Marilla, awfully uncomfortably. “I heard. I’m so glad. I hope they’ll…have fun catching up.”

“Hmm,” was all that came out of Rachel.

“Shut it,” mouthed Marilla.

“Can I go in the back? Say good night to Matthew?”

“Of course, dear.”

“Well, well, well.”

“Save it.”

“This is huge!”

“Leave it alone.”

Muriel entered.

“No I will not. Remember yesterday, when I told...when I told you,” Rachel turned to the new guest, “that only once in my life I have been wrong? That was when I was convinced those kids would get together and somehow, for whatever reason, they ended up not speaking. If they are seeing each other again, it is huge news.”

“Oh, boy. She was here, what, ten seconds before me?”

“So they’re meeting each other soon? When?” Rachel continued.

“They actually ran into each other yesterday and apparently began catching up,” Muriel explained. “I think Delly’s pleas just coincided.”

“What does this mean?”

“Nothing, Rachel. Nothing. You will butt out, and butt all the way to hell,” threatened Marilla. “This is a chance for the kids to get reacquainted and get over their…issues…and revive their friendship, simply. Nothing of that sort you just mentioned. Nothing. Ancient history, that’s what Anne told me.”

“That’s what Gilbert told Bash. That and he has a serious girlfriend.”

“So this will be interesting,” Rachel muttered. “Say, can I get a hearty bowl of that special Green Gables tomato soup?”

“No. No soup. That’s your scheming food.”

“Yes, we’re about to help Muriel plan her surprise anniversary dinner.”

Marilla squinted angrily.

“I really appreciate it, ladies, thank you,” said Muriel, “Let me take the Mastermind home first and I’ll be back in ten.” 

* * *

“So, Anne mentioned you’re dating someone?”

“Yes, her name is Winnie. She’s a doctor too.”

“She knows, because I told her. That and how great she is.”

“Why isn’t she here tonight?” Diana tried to ask as nicely and naturally as possible, which proved impossible.

“Well, I thought it was going to be just Anne and me catching up. Not that I’m not delighted you’re here.” Gilbert never failed to sound sincere. He always was.

“I can leave. I think we’re caught up.”

“Stay!” Anne and Gilbert ordered. It already looked like old times.

“I’m teasing. I’m sorry. It’s really good to see you Gilbert.” She meant it.

“You too, Diana. So, I heard you’re interviewing for grad school?”

“Yes, I’m looking to get my PhD. I figured you shouldn’t be the only U of T _doctor_ from Avonlea ”

“U of T! Wonderful!”

“I tried to make him mad by calling myself a doctor and nothing.”

“Well, you _are_ getting a doctorate. You _will_ be Dr. Diana Barry. Sounds just right.”

Anne smiled delightedly and Diana rolled her eyes, amused.

“Where has Mister Perfect been all these years?” she shook her head at Gilbert. Then, her phone rang.

“Oh, excuse me.”

“I didn’t think you’d mind me bringing Diana along,” Anne finally said.

“Of course not. I was expecting she’d join us.”

“I told her to be on her best behavior and I think that’s what we’re actually seeing.”

“I imagine she’s…mad.”

“She’s known to hold a grudge.”

“Alright. I wanted to space this out during the evening but I can’t,” Diana declared as she returned to table. She didn’t sit, but stood before them, ready to lecture. “I need to acknowledge this as I’m certain neither of you will. Or you’ll be to slow to do.” She looked to one, then the other. “It’s horrible, what happened. You threw away a perfect friendship because it was complicated by romantic feelings. So what? It happens. Jerry and I were still friends after our little fling. And you guys weren't even anything! You could have taken some time apart, but none of it warranted all these years of total silence. However, I am glad the statute of limitations on your pride has expired at long last, and this charade can come to an end, so your families and close friends don’t have to tiptoe around you anymore. We’re all grownups now. We’ve been for a while. So I hope you two will manage a grown up friendship. Because…it is **good** to see you together again.”

Anne and Gilbert looked down, then up to meet each other’s gaze, which they immediately averted by turning to Diana. They understood that all her teasing was just teasing.

Diana did in fact have no plan to remain angry at Gilbert. She was just happy and relieved for them, just like the party discussing them back in Avonlea at that very moment.

“I’ve missed you very much, Diana.” The words came right out of Gilbert’s heart.

Diana smiled at him. Anne smiled knowingly.

“So, that was the university. They want to schedule an interview again tomorrow and I’m here with you instead of home preparing. So I have to go. You guys have a ton more catching up to do, I’m sure. Have fun!”

And she gave Anne a kiss on the head, tapped Gilbert twice on the shoulder and took off.

“Well, that was quick.”

“She just-” said Gilbert, too confused.

“I guess.”

“Well, then, it’s just us after all.” He flashed Anne his sweet, all-too-familiar smile.

“Yeah.” There was that skip of the heart again. “We should order.”

“Anne?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t say it yesterday. The words kind of froze on my lips. I said it to Diana before I said it to you.”

“Gilbert, you don’t-”

“I’ve missed you. Very much.” He’d been dying to let the words out. “More than you could imagine. I know all these years of silence would beg to differ, but believe me…it’s painful to have had Anne Shirley-Cuthbert in your life and then lost her.”

Anne fought hard not to appear as emotional as she was. Her soul quivered instead of her usual lower lip.

“Well, you chose to lose her,” she said playfully, then turned serious, and lowered and shook her head. “All these years, the largest share of the blame has fallen on you and that’s only because you had to leave. I was still in PEI, I was around. Every failure to communicate seemed to be on your end, right? I - it isn’t right,” she took a deep breath, “I gave up on this friendship too. The truth is I would feel relieved when I’d come back from Queens and you weren’t in Avonlea or when you didn’t call me up. And…Miss Stacy and Hannah’s wedding. You wanted to talk and I…I wasn’t ready. I pushed you away. I feel horrible now.”

“Don’t, Anne. I only ever blamed myself.”

“You shouldn’t. Yes, my God, the unspeakable complications of our friendship! But why did it have to be so drastic? I look at you now and I just don’t understand!”

“I’m beyond that too.”

“Why couldn’t we move past it?” Anne asked with immense heaviness in her voice. She looked at Gilbert and he heard in his heart the echo of years of asking himself the same question.

“Well, we’re past it now, right?” he said, pleading out of his soul.

“Right,” Anne nodded. “Diana’s right. I guess it just takes us an unnaturally long time to get over things. Now we can…recommence.”

“You know, Winnie said that to her it seemed like we’ve been friends all this time. And I thought, maybe our friendship didn’t end. We just…hit pause.”

“Right. And now we…hit play?”

Gilbert shrugged adorably _._ Friends again, Anne thought. _Friends_.

“Well, what…hurt…our friendship is definitely not an issue anymore," she more asked than declared.

“Right,” Gilbert confirmed, only quarterheartedly. Well, not heartedly at all.

“So...It’s all behind us!” Anne declared happily. “Let’s fling ourselves full force into what it used to be.”

“That’s all I want,” he said softly.

“Me too,” Anne matched his tone.

They did not avert each other’s gaze now.

“Are you ready to order?” the waiter had to ask twice.


	7. Jokes, Tears and Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne and Gilbert's full outing, plus a few words between Diana and Cole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for a longer-than-usual chapter, but I figured there was nothing I wanted to cut or save for the next one. A huge chunk of this was written from the very beginning and I'm very happy to have made it here. Hope you enjoy!

“So, tell me more about your day,” said Gilbert, biting into the three fries on his fork.

Anne smirked as he did, thinking about how she used to mock that ridiculous, dignified way in which he ate his fast food.

“Anne?”

“Oh, there’s nothing to tell. I locked myself in our Airbnb and typed away as I shed tears at the gruesome reality of being a writer.”

“I’m sorry it should involve tears,” Gilbert chuckled. “I don’t remember you writing with anything other than fiery determination.”

“The tears, though metaphorical, do quench the fire a bit. It’s just different when you have deadlines. But the determination’s all still there, don’t worry.”

“I wouldn’t believe the opposite,” said Gilbert with delicate assurance.

“What about your day?”

“Same as every other day. Stressful as every other day. Difficult cases, doubting every decision you make, forgetting everything you learned in med school. Getting yelled at a ton!”

“I’m sorry. Sounds about as glamorous as the process of writing.”

“Only my tears are _not_ metaphorical.”

“I wouldn’t believe the opposite,” Anne joked with a straight face.

Gilbert laughed that humble laugh of his but inside, deeper feelings were astir. Something grander lied in the truth of being understood so easily, with no _what-do-you-means_ or _surely-you’re-jokings._ It felt refreshing to him as he was slowly, with every second of conversation, being reintroduced to it. To simply…being known. A special kind of relief came with being _known_.

“What about fun?” asked Anne. “What do you and Winnie do for fun?

“I don’t remember the last time we did anything fun.”

“Well, don’t you go anywhere?”

“We’re lucky if we can have dinner in front of the TV sometimes. We do see a lot of each other at the hospital, but it isn’t exactly fun.”

“Don’t you live together?” Anne tried to ask as nonchalantly as possible.

“No.”

“Do you plan to? Sorry if that’s…I…I’m trying to dig deep you know. Ask the tough close-friend questions. Like we said. It was stu-”

“It’s alright Anne. You can ask me anything. If we _are_ going full force, you’re the person I used to be most comfortable telling anything.”

“Well then?”

“I don’t know what to tell you. Come back to me – with the question.”

Anne looked down and smirked.

“Did you tell Marilla we met?”

“Yeah, I mentioned it. Her reply was ‘I’m quite surprised. That’s great!’”

“So she was practically jumping up and down?”

“Exactly.” Anne suddenly remembered the last time Marilla had abandoned her stoic demeanor and become passion itself. ‘Don’t make the same mistake I did, tell him!’ echoed in Anne’s brain. Then the news Gilbert had gone, and then the crickets of eight years. But it was ancient history, she insisted, and there he was, anyway.

“Bash was very happy too.”

“I’m sure he’ll let me know when I get back.”

“I’ll miss you, when you go.” The sentiment came out almost involuntarily, right out of Gilbert’s heart.

“Do not make me crack a joke about five years or eight or whatever.”

“Hey, you know what I realized? Miss Stacy’s wedding anniversary is Friday.”

“Yeah, it is! I’d forgotten for a second. Wait, that means-”

“We didn’t actually make it to five years!”

“Boy, were we impatient!”

Laughing together became more and more organic.

“Do you think they’ll make a topic out of it? Back in Avonlea?”

“I’m sure they already have.”

“It was actually Delly that urged me to write to you, yesterday. She’s very concerned about our well-documented friendship.”

“Marilla did say something about her wanting us to meet. Do you think she willed our running into each other? I mean what were the chances of you being there?”

“Anne, I forgot to tell you yesterday. I’m so sorry.”

“What?”

“Our meeting wasn’t that much by chance. Me seeing you was…but not us…meeting.”

“You saw me-“

“I saw you at the station. I was about to take another train and I saw you running and I knew it was our chance to…see each other again, at last. Then you took the train and I called Bash and he knew exactly where you were going to be and I…went after you. Is that weird? It was just…the right moment. It was _time_. You were there! I couldn't...What?”

Anne had begun chuckling. Gilbert had grown hilariously nervous.

“Gilbert, it's alright. It actually sounds like the kind of thing I’d do.”

Gilbert laughed, relieved, though his smile faded thinking about how much he’d once dreamed she’d do just that. Run after him. Anyway, ancient history. She was right there, after all.

“I mean it still is a chance meeting," she assured.

“It is.”

“It shouldn’t have had to be.”

“Anne.”

“And with that, we’re officially past it.”

* * *

“So, they’re out to dinner by themselves?” asked the little Cole in Diana’s phone screen.

“Yep.”

“My, my, Devilish Diana takes Toronto.”

“There’s nothing devilish about it, Cole. I simply told them what they had to hear and gave them the space to mend things.”

“No clockwork underneath? Only friendly concern?”

“The clockwork _is_ the friendly concern. I’m quite capable of that, you know? Besides what other motivation could I have?”

“I don’t know. Something of a set-up.”

“That’s out of the question. Gilbert has a girlfriend and they literally just saw each other again. The only set-up is about them having the space to discuss everything they need to. I don’t know, apologize perhaps. And just be friends again, jeez.”

“Yeah but Dee, this is Anne and Gilbert. With what we’ve seen, there’s either fireworks or nothing.”

“No, Cole, it was the fireworks that led to nothing. Now, hopefully there’ll be…whatever sparks are appropriate to fly between pals.”

“So, I see you’ve completely relented your sworn grudge as a best friend.”

“You should hear how defensive of him she was yesterday. And she has a point, one that we’ve always considered. It’s just, all I remember is how hurt she was once and that was always enough to keep me very partial.”

“Yeah, you and me both.”

“But then seeing Gilbert again tonight, I immediately starting wondering. Things I’d put to bed in my head because it’s been such long time. We know that he wrote her that upsetting letter before leaving without a goodbye, but we don’t know what was in it. We don’t know exactly what happened that night at the ruins after graduation and the only people who should be discussing what happened are together at this very moment, and that Cole, is the clockwork!” Diana had to catch her breath. 

“Well, there you have it then, Dee. Time has passed. No pun intended. I guess Anne’s probably over the hurt and just wants her Gilbert back. You know there’s no stand-in for him. No matter how hard we tried. Don’t overthink it, Dee. You did well, but they’re adults. They should know how to handle things. Let’s just let the old friends reunite and I’m sure all will be fine.”

“That’s all I want.”

“I have to go. I have final touches on the painting.”

“Oh, Muriel and Hannah are going to love it. Kiss Aunt Jo for me.”

“Will do.”

* * *

“That was the first spontaneous thing I have done…in forever!” Gilbert beamed as he and Anne stepped out of the movie theater.

“Well, was it a good idea?”

“Of course! The Emperor’s New Groove? This is the best night of my life.”

Their laughter went on and then died down and Gilbert’s statement hung in the air for quite some time.

“Hey, is this okay?” Anne felt to ask. “Us being out this late? What’s Winnie doing right now?”

“She’s hard at work. Don’t worry, she has an overnight shift.”

“Oh, good to know I’m not costing her precious Gilbert time.”

“I’m sure she’d be happy to lend you some anyway. Our hours as residents are insane. Tomorrow I go in for a twenty-hour shift right as she gets off hers and we meet for a quick early lunch for me, late breakfast for her…and you get the idea.”

“Rough.”

“The _dream_.”

“Come on, don’t say it with that tone. It was the dream and it’s a very noble one. You’ve wanted this since we were fourteen. You’ve worked so hard and you’re there for Heaven’s sake! Hang on a while more. I’m sure the steady hours will come soon enough.”

Gilbert halted his step and kept firmly to his spot.

“I missed that so much,” he grinned.

“You missed what?”

“You, scolding me, putting me in my place, saying exactly what I need to hear.”

Anne smiled, touched, then rolled her eyes and went and dragged him by the elbow.

“How fun was the film?” she moved on. “Doesn’t it remind you of when we’d babysit Delly and put on cartoons for her but end up being way more invested in it that she was?”

“It does! I tell her all the time about it. Remember when we used to read her stories or you’d make up stories to get her to sleep?”

“Oh, worked like a charm every single time.”

“You had me completely enthralled - with your stories! I hope you plan to publish them.”

“I don’t know, they were just made up on the spot.”

“Isn’t every story made up in a spot? How did your actual published works come about?”

“I don’t know, snarky, it just feels like something so personal. All my work is…nonfiction to start.”

“I love your work but I think it’s a pity - and hey, my opinion means absolutely nothing - but the world, especially in the state it is today, desperately needs to be exposed to Anne Shirley Cuthbert’s imagination.

“How are you so sure it’s still there?”

“If I can count on one thing never to change it’s your imagination.”

“Even after all these years?”

“Where would it go? _You_ could find scope for it everywhere,” he suggested cheerfully.

Anne smiled at his insistence. No one encouraged her quite as he did.

“It’s there,” she admitted. “It’s just…not in a _kid’s_ head anymore.”

“I get _that_ ,” Gilbert sighed. “I've been engrossed in a world that takes itself so seriously for such a long time. It’s frustrating sometimes. Not that doctors should be carefree or anything. It's just-”

“I understand. No need to explain.”

There was that realization again. That silent feeling of being so well-understood, coupled with the urge to bear his soul.

“All my colleagues think I’m this stoic being that spares all unnecessary emotion and channels it into finding the best way to approach a case or handle a patient and never gets nervous or overwhelmed,” he sighed. “Not that they don’t have reason to believe that. I guess that says more about me…I do appear that way, and I have for so long that any other exterior would seem out of character. You know, god forbid I laugh out loud once. But that’s not who I am.”

“I get what you mean,” said Anne sweetly, “But really Gilbert, if you ask anyone we went to school with they’d probably agree with your colleagues. It’s only us, me, Bash, Diana, Delly probably, who know how sensitive and downright dramatic you can be. Hasn’t…Winnie seen that side of you?”

“I don’t know, to be honest. You’d have to ask her.”

Anne made a show of contemplation for a second, stopping their march, and began.

“I imagine you started off as reserved. Perhaps a little shy; then had your chance to offer some brilliant two cents on a case that gave everyone the impression that any and all drive or spirit you might have, exists to serve the white coat.”

Gilbert struggled with what to say and how to react for a good few seconds.

“Am I wrong?”

“No, you’re…precisely right.”

“It’s kind of the opposite for me,” Anne continued walking. “I’m too spirited, too passionate right away, that it feels like not much sounds impressive coming out of my mouth. It’s expected, sometimes welcomed, sometimes grunted at.”

“No one of respectable intelligence was ever unimpressed with anything you had to say and I doubt that's changed.”

Anne laughed, recalling his passionate supportive protectiveness/protective supportiveness, and seeing it shine through in present-day Gilbert.

“I remember motivational words like that. One would call it enabling.”

“Come on.”

“Let’s just say, I am not as uncompromising as I once was. And that’s a good thing.”

“You’ll still change the world, Carrots.”

Gilbert’s words were determined and heartfelt, like everything he spoke, yet still in the vein of a casual witty comment. He kept on walking but Anne had stopped. It was not inexplicable why she should be so overwhelmed by the meaning behind his words, but there was on her part an alarming urge to conceal how they made her feel. How entirely incredible it felt to hear such a reassurance. She failed. A radiant smile and a pair of heavily welled-up eyes shone under a streetlamp. A couple of runaway tears too.

“What? What is it?” Gilbert lit up in surprise, rushing to where she was.

“It’s just…hearing you say that,” she spoke with her head down. “I have to resist becoming a cynic everyday of my life. It’s such an effort to keep…being a dreamer and thinking I will ever make a difference. But when you say that…it makes me want to try anyway. Those words, ‘saving the world’ would be a…mockery coming from anyone else, but from you,” she looked up and gazed at him intensely, “They’re what I need to keep going.”

The words had catapulted right from the center of her being, bypassed any rational thought, any censure on the part of her brain and had come out raw and unmeasured. They surprised her, and it was only after she was done that she realized the intensity of her own speech.

Gilbert stared speechless, equally emotional, in awe of how a word from him could mean that much to Anne. Well, the same was true a hundredfold for him. He could relate.

“And boy, do I mean them,” he took the liberty to caress her arm in the most platonic way he could manage. “You surely don’t need me to remind you of that light inside of you that you carry everywhere. It’s evident in anything you do, Anne. I wasn’t there for eight years of it.”

“I think that’s precisely why I needed that much reminding,” Anne said softly, then immediately gathered herself and hurried on forward. “So I guess I’m good for another eight years now!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few thoughts: Catching a showing of The Emperor's New Groove with a loved one (romantic or platonic) is very much an indulgent fantasy of mine, so I had to include it.  
> Also, I'm a med student who does little but write in her free time so Anne and Gilbert are sides of the same coin for me. I have met a lot of people in school who don't seem to care for anything other than their studies whereas I've always wanted to define myself by my other interests as well. So Gilbert is kind of the marriage of these two things: someone whose mind only seems to work for one thing (medicine) but who is longing not to be put in a box and be seen as, well, more!


	8. Unignorable Dawnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Important and inevitable realizations dawn on both Anne and Gilbert after their incredible night out, ones they are so not ready for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly but surely, we're getting there folks!

Anne returned to the apartment a little after eleven, a universe of emotion expanding on the inside of her chest. With an empty stare but infinitely full eyes her mind roamed the room, and her body plunged on the nearest chair. Gilbert’s friendly goodbye embrace still tingled her arms. It had not been awkward this time, or forced or unnatural. It was impossible to believe that very night’s hellos had been so wildly different. Within one dinner, one movie, and through continuous conversation, they had managed to take a transformative leap. _Was that really all it had taken?_ thought Anne.

Eight nearly silent years felt so distant, fading away to practical nonexistence, so much so that Anne, in the haze of excitement of a perfect night, truly found herself wondering whether they had been real. Surely, time flies. Time _had_ flown. There certainly weren’t enough memories in her to fill eight whole years.

Just forty-eight hours before, the two had been estranged, and now, after two meetings, everything was…restored? Things were restored. That’s what it was, Anne told herself. A beautiful, loving, friendship rebuilt. A treasure rediscovered. A special source of joy, regained. That unique bond - the almost scientific proof of why Anne and Gilbert should so easily jump right back in each other’s company - reinstated. Anne was sure of it.

She looked out the window. “What a wonderful night,” she whispered to the breeze. The night sky was a magical shade of blue. The scattered few stars noticeable between buildings sparkled like bits of crystal. It _looked_ a wonderful night too. Anne felt the urge to poke her head out the window and yell to the stars, the dimly lit trees, every bit of nature in between the concrete, just like she did as a kid. The trees outside her room in the apartment above Green Gables were more inviting than the stranger Toronto ones, and her grown up inhibitions wouldn’t allow her anyway, but the urge was there nonetheless, and it was like a visit from another old friend.

With all these thoughts and emotions happening at once, and revealing themselves one by one, another feeling, one wiser people might deem inevitable, was beginning to dawn on Anne. She knew as much. But she didn’t want to put her mind to work. Not yet. If she started naming feelings left and right, she would most certainly arrive at a conclusion that was strictly off limits. _She knew as much._

“So, you’re back carrots,” Diana startled her welcome.

“It was a wonderful night!” Anne blurted with a shout.

“Alright, I was just about to ask. Noted.”

“It was great, Dee,” Anne hurried to her, “We had a great time. We’re…okay. More than okay. We’ve moved past everything.”

“Did you _discuss_ everything?”

“We did. We…we won’t be mad at ourselves anymore…or each other. Not that we ever were. I mean I was briefly, but he…We’ll move on. We have moved on. And we swore to restore our friendship back to what it was. Full force we said. Full force we’ll dive back.”

“Wow, okay, that really is wonderful. I’m so glad.”

“Me too, Dee.”

“Come here,” she received her best friend in a hug. “So you…” Diana wanted to make sure they truly had covered everything, she wanted to ask more details, but Anne was so happy, and things sounded so promising - It wasn’t her place and it wasn’t for her to worry. “You’re really friends again, huh?”

“Oh, absolutely we are.”

“I’m glad I left you two alone now. I was getting a little anxious.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. You must be anxious for tomorrow though, right?”

Diana then remembered her little fib, and hesitated a short while.

“The interview isn’t tomorrow.”

“It’s not?”

“No, it’s Friday.”

“But you said-”

“It was an excuse to leave you alone. I didn’t think I had anybody fooled, Anne.”

“But you-”

“You really thought it was the University of Toronto calling at 8 pm to schedule an interview for the next morning?”

“B-but...you had your speech…that you dropped out of necessity!”

“That was always the plan. And it worked, right? You had a great night. Friendship restored and everything.”

“We-we were going to do that anyway.”

“Not with me there,” Diana smirked through her sentences. “And not without that speech!”

“That’s circumstantial.”

“No, it’s cause and effect.”

“I can’t believe it.”

“Oh, really Anne, _can’t_ you?”

 _Of course she could._ Anne considered everything for a second. That’s all it took to know.

“Alright, I suppose it needed to be the two of us.”

“That’s right. And look at you! You’re beaming! You’re actually glowing. I can’t even look directly at you!” Diana spoke theatrically, then took Anne’s hands in hers in that same over-the-top manner, “How can you scold me when you’re already…scalding me?”

A confused and tired Anne playfully grabbed Diana’s face and ordered “Go to bed!”, leaving to do the same herself.

“Don’t have to! I got _nothing_ in the morning!”

* * *

Gilbert sat at his and Winnie’s usual table, in the outside area of the restaurant they went to a few times a month. He looked and felt well-rested, the taxing hours ahead nothing to dread. Snippets of the night before played on a loop right at the front of his mind. Every conversation, every laugh, every smile, every joke, every instance of friendly teasing made him smile all over again, splattering his happiness all across his face.

It was impossible not to think of Anne, and the gift that was having her friendship back. Within two fortuitous days he could have never anticipated nor predicted, he had back in his life a piece of…he wanted to say himself - but how could he? That he had a piece of himself back. Part of him always feared he’d come to dramatic conclusions eventually, but so soon?

Thus, there was no shortage of bittersweetness in him. It’s what startled him back to reality. One that was beautiful - from the night before. One he was still high on - from the night before. _God!_ It seemed impossible to think about anything earlier than the night before – and the day before that - without going back at least eight years.

His thoughts could remain cheerfully childish, but the feelings at the very center of his heart were true and loud and would not be caged much longer and he knew it. When his heart beat, or when he had a happy thought, there was one face he saw and it was not that of the person he was having lunch with. He could force an image off his thoughts, but not the knowledge that what stirred in his chest - to which he still had the luxury to be willfully blind - was not innocent.

 _Where does the line cross?_ he thought. He had insisted, to himself, to Bash, he was ready to insist to Winnie if she’d ask, that crossing said line was out of the question. But...he couldn’t remember when it had last time, if _ever_ it had. That was the scary part. He and Anne had always been friends but he…it wasn’t a thought to finish.

A fun night would not make him question matters at that level, but a fun night with Anne, any night with Anne…it wasn’t a thought to finish!

He had been the one to ruin things and he’d paid dearly. Eight years. There was no way he could ever make it another eight. He’d sworn _it would be different this time_. The thought was the very example of one as sweet as it was painfully bitter.

There was Winnie.

“Hey, you’re looking happy!” she kissed him hello. She cared for him. It showed in everything she did. She had just ended a twenty-four hour shift and didn’t seem in the least bit tired or grumpy. She inspired him, in their work, in their life, in everything…He couldn’t risk to question his heart beyond that. Not in that moment. Not yet, at least.

“I am. You must be tired, Win. Not that you look it.”

“Oh, I am. But the night was relatively calm, so I can’t complain.”

“As if you ever do.”

“How was last night?”

“It was wonderful. We had a great time.”

“You look like you did. I’m so glad there’s a bit of Avonlea here in Toronto. I know you miss it.”

Gilbert only smiled. He couldn’t help but think of Anne going back, dreading it.

“Win, I’ve been thinking…about Avonlea and perhaps…considering…going back…”

“Wait a minute, is that-?” Winnie’s attention had been occupied with the indirect object of that very conversation, who stood right outside.

Gilbert turned. He smiled at the sight, horrified by the sight.

“Anne! Hi!” Winnie waved at her frantically, and Gilbert grew increasingly nervous watching Anne run to them.

“Hi! This is a coincidence!”

“Sure is,” Gilbert tried to appear calm.

“Come. Join us!” said Winnie.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“You are no intrusion. Gilbert was just telling me what a great time you had.”

“We did,” Anne smiled, afraid to turn to him. “How was your night, Winnie? You must be tired.”

“Oh, I’ll be home soon and I’ll get to catch up on my sleep. It’s fine.”

Anne looked at her admiringly. “You’re so passionate. It really shows.”

“Coming from you, that is a huge compliment. Come on, do join us.”

“Thank you, but I really can’t.” Anne wasn’t sure why she was being so insistent when there was no good reason not to join them. A shameless thought she’d been entertaining all morning did appear and that would save her from having to give an excuse. “Since I’m here, though, I did have an idea I wanted to share with you, Gilbert. I was going to text you.”

“What is it?” asked Gilbert, who in watching Anne and his girlfriend interact had experienced a very particular brand of discomfort that was screaming at him to ‘come to important realizations already’. He was dead set on ‘not yet’.

“I was thinking,” said Anne, “Why not record a joint Happy Anniversary message to Miss Stacy and Hannah? It would make them happy to see us in each other’s company.”

“That’s a…great idea.”

“Only we’d have to do it before Friday so we can send it in on time - Winnie, you could be in it too.”

“How about tomorrow evening?” Gilbert blurted nervously. “We’re not working Win. Let’s have a dinner party. One fit for the Avonlea gang. Make sure Diana can make it.” 

“I will,” assured Anne.

* * *

“Yeah, I can’t make it.”

“But I promised you’d come.”

“You know I have the interview. The actual one. I can’t relax the night before. You know me. Just tell them I had something else planned. I could be meeting friends. You know how many people I know that live here?”

“Oh, and if only they could be graced by your company as much as they’re used as excuses.”

“Anne,” Diana fixed on her the deep browns that never failed to yank any truth out.

“I can’t be alone there!” Anne plunged on the sofa.

“Oh, and why is that?” Diana pricked up her ears.

“Don’t.”

“No, no, no. Spill it.”

Anne was not going to conceal it.

“I don’t want to be alone with the two of them.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“It’s just…I’m scared we’re going to circle back to the thing we’re finally over. I’m scared of the questions Winnie might ask. I need you there.”

A softened Diana sat beside her, in full comforting mode.

“I thought you were going to enjoy this,” said Anne.

“Not when you’re so distressed.”

“Will you come?”

“I will come. And I am actually pretty excited.”

“I thought you might be.”

“I might explode, even!”

“Not before the dinner please.”

“Hey! Kindred spirit. I’m here for you, always!”


	9. Ever-growing Truths Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple dinner among friends isn't something these characters can take lightly. Certainly not Anne and Gilbert in their confused state of mind. (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a long chapter covering the dinner party and I didn't want to cut anything but also I didn't want to just dump a longer chapter so I separated it into two parts and I'm uploading them at the same time.

“Dinner with Gilbert and his girlfriend!” Diana repeated, “I still can’t believe it.”

“Dee,” Anne turned to her harshly. “I will _not_ hit that elevator button until I’m certain you’re all out of comments like those.”

“Anne, come on!” she hit the button herself. “I know you’re tense, but tonight could really be fun. It _will_ be fun. You just relax and count on me to be there for you - only when or if needed, I know. Now, get that ass in there,” she pointed to the empty elevator.

“You’re right,” Anne took a deep breath, not getting said ass in said elevator. “The most” -she stressed- “exorbitant amounts” -she stressed- “of-of unease and apprehension, could not sway me from my fiercely impassioned deter-” –she stressed- “-mination to have a delightful time with dear, dear friends, both old and new, and it will be nothing short of splendid!”

“There she is! Splendid!” Diana had to physically push her inside. “You just turn that Anneness on like a faucet and everything will be alright. Or, who knows, the opposite,” she promptly added, “Too many nutty incidents have started with me telling you that. None of them regrettable though!”

“I am beginning to think I should have left you at home. And by home, I mean PEI.”

“Hey, I have my own business going on, carrots. I am not your romcom-esque supporting character.”

“No, because that would imply I’m a romantic lead and there is no romance to speak of, anywhere,” Anne sneered, and Diana had to bite her tongue.

“Boy,” she said theatrically after a pause, “I just _know_ I have quality entertainment ahead of me tonight.” (That was her biting her tongue.) “Honestly I am more here for that than for being there for you, sorry.”

“Thank you for your honesty,” Anne rolled her eyes.

“There is _nothing_ good on TV anymore.”

“I get it.”

“Netflix keeps cancelling its best shows.”

“I get it!”

“Real-life entertainment, I tell you.”

The elevator door opened. Anne stepped out and in a flash, turned to Dee, and in a flash, spoke.

“Stop it, amusing you think you are. I am _not_ entertained here,” still she was smirking, “speaking of which, there will be no entertainment for you. It is just dinner and you _will_ behave!” Her tone was not nearly as grave as her words.

“Oh, I will!” said Diana saucily. “But none of my charm comes from being well behaved, you know that.”

\---

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” Winnie leaned on Gilbert’s kitchen counter.

“No, Win, you’re not lifting a finger tonight.”

“I know you’re being sweet but that sounds like an order,” she chuckled. “Are you…nervous?”

“Why would I be nervous?” a stunned Gilbert asked with the coolness of a person battling to keep his nervousness from showing.

“It’s okay if you are. This is the first time you’ve had people over in… _oh_ , ever! I mean we _never_ gather here. And it’s your friends from back home and you’re cooking Mary’s recipes and you want it to be perfect, plus you _are_ the nervous type so…It’s okay. It’s supposed to be a fun night, right?”

_Right, right, right._

“Yes, Win, of course. And…I’ll relax. I just need this stew to be perfect. This is where the success of an Avonlea dinner party lies,” said Gilbert, oh so nonchalantly.

“So, tell me, is Diana as…fun as Anne?”

“No one’s like Anne,” he blurted without a second’s thought, “but yeah, she certainly is a character too.”

“Were you equally close?”

“Not really. We hung out together all the time, and we _were_ close but…”

“I know, I know” Winnie smiled, “Your friendship with Anne was…special.”

“Win,” Gilbert looked up from the cutting board, mistaking in her voice undertones not present anywhere in her expression. He didn’t know what he was going to say. He felt only this urge to be brutally honest.

Winnie looked at him, waiting, unsuspecting.

“You and Diana are quite alike. I’m sure you’ll enjoy her company.”

“That’s good.” _The doorbell._ “Oh, allow me!”

Gilbert lowered to search for something under the counter, like…a normal heart rate. _Ooh, and a salad bowl._

“Good evening! Welcome!” a joyous Winifred received the guests.

“Hi! Thank you!” Anne gave her a warm hug. “Dee, this is the magnificent Dr. Winifred Rose. Winnie, this is Diana Barry, my bosom friend, my kindred spirit and more often than not, the very bane of my existence.”

“All that to mean I’m her best friend,” Diana gave Winnie _un bec_ hello, and they chuckled, “But you should be familiar with Anne by now.”

“Welcome!” yelled Gilbert from the kitchen, poking his head from under the counter, empty salad bowl in hand.

“Oh my God! Do I smell...Mary’s stew?” Anne ran over to him.

“That’s right! And that’s not all,” Gilbert pointed enthusiastically to the oven. 

Anne leaned over and squinted.

“Secret casserole?!” she jumped. “That’s not supposed to leave Avonlea.”

“No but you see, this apartment is actually Avonlea ground.”

“Oh, is it?”

“Yes, it’s like an embassy.”

“Well, glad to be home.”

“Glad to have you.”

And in that playful manner, Anne and Gilbert greeted each other good evening.

Still by the door, Winnie and Diana had continued their friendly first encounter.

“…But you should be familiar with Anne by now.”

“Well, I have only had two conversations with Anne-”

“Oh, more than enough to get to know her.”

“That’s what I figured,” Winnie laughed.

“And those things she said? She has trees and rocks in Avonlea that are her kindred spirits. I’m not that special,” Diana joked, in a manner not quite usual to people she’d just met.

“My more-than-adequate conversations with Anne would prove otherwise,” Winnie assured. “It’s very nice to meet you, Diana.”

“You too, Winnie.” Diana smiled sweetly, caught off guard at the charm that so naturally radiated off Winifred.

\---

“It smells so good!” Anne leaned over the pot. “I’m not sure I can keep myself from getting emotional.”

“Hey, I didn’t want to make you sad,” the softest amount of concern audible in Gilbert’s voice.

“Oh, no it’s quite the opposite! I’m so happy! You were always the best at recreating Mary’s recipes.”

“Don’t ever let Bash hear that.”

“I mean besides Bash…and everyone else for that matter. More like between you and me. It’s very big of me to admit it.”

“It really is, thank you.” Gilbert laughed, joyfully, and with a considerate hint of sadness any mention of Mary always elicited. “You’ll still have to judge after you taste, but I can’t have gotten worse over the years, that’s for certain.”

Anne laughed.

“Well, funny you said that! I would like to claim the same thing! You’ll never believe what _I_ brought,” she jumped enthusiastically, grabbing the bag she’d placed on the counter, holding it open before Gilbert.

“This isn’t-”

“Mary’s vanilla cake! A teeny one!”

“You can make that without getting war flashbacks?” Gilbert laughed.

“Why would you get war flashbacks?” inquired Winifred as she and Diana approached their party.

“Oh, brace yourself Winnie,” spoke Diana in a deadpan voice. “They’re going to tell you a story they find hilarious.”

Suddenly the fair was on everyone’s minds. Diana’s insider memories of the select few moments leading up to the fair and the ones in between were not safe to be brought up. She knew if Anne was to recall those events, she would have to recall many of those in-between memories of important ‘realizations of the romantic type’, and gloss over them delicately. Then again, Diana thought, in the days she’s reminisced with Gilbert, that must be all she’s done.

Why would she even make Mary’s cake and make a show of it, then?

“I don’t want to,” Anne whined in jest.

“Hey, you had it coming when you brought the cakes, Carrots,” said Gilbert. _See, that’s what Diana thought._

“Careful, you might not get one!” teased Anne.

They were both proving incredibly skilled at playing it cool in their circumstances. Being flirtatious with each other had always been their natural state, and it was, well, restored. Diana was most qualified to deem it so, and she did. She confirmed Anne’s proud declarations from two nights before and could not help but think what Winnie thought of it all.

“So, Winnie, about nine years ago,” Anne started, “we attended the annual Avonlea county fair for the first time without our Mary. I wanted to do something to honor her and I made a cake following one of the recipes she’d left us. But the day before, when I was making it, I had a cold and I could not smell a thing! I accidentally broke the vanilla bottle, but fortunate me found a spare somewhere in the cabinet. My day was saved! Or so I thought. I would find out the next day I had actually put in some of Marilla’s liniment, which she had put in a vanilla bottle some time ago.”

“I forget how dreadful that tale is to me now that I’m a doctor, I hope you learned your lesson on the best way to store your medicine.”

“Oh we did, Gilbert, thank you. Where were you before that?”

Diana fought a chuckle thinking of Anne, all sniffles and sneezes, going on and on about him asking whether she’d been chopping onions and all the realizations about his ‘splendid chin’ and ‘galloping out of a novel’ – _or something._

“How did you find out about the liniment, though?” humored Gilbert.

“When the judges were tasting my cake – and spitting it out. It was horrible!” Anne put her face in her hands. Diana rolled her eyes, smirking.

“You ran away and you were so sad," said Gilbert. "There was no consoling you, remember.”

“Except for whatever you said to her,” said Diana, straight-faced. “She returned perfectly happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2, the immediate continuation, is already up!  
> The reference to Netflix cancelling its best shows was inspired by a similar comment made on the first episode of season 4 of One Day at a Time that also had an untimely cancellation by netflix. it's wonderful that they found a second life on tv and I am not done hoping and wishing and praying for AnnE to come back to in whatever shape or form.


	10. Ever-growing Truths Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More important conversation between the pairs of Anne and Gilbert and Diana and Winnie. Part 2.

_“Except for whatever you said to her. She returned perfectly happy.”_

For a brief, invisible second, Anne shot Diana a look of steel, fully aware of the implications of her comments. But, since there was nothing to worry about, and it is no secret Anne and Gilbert were really close friends _and all that_ , why should she be mad?

“Yeah, he said that Mary would’ve found it funny.”

“She would have,” Gilbert nodded, thinking fondly of her memory.

“Gilbert mentions Mary often,” said Winnie kindly. “I can’t imagine what losing her must have meant. Poor Bash. And Delly. Oh, Delly!”

“It’s true,” said Anne. “I think about it all the time. If only Mary could see her. How intelligent she is. How determined, how quick-witted, how brave, how confident. How beautiful! Just like her.”

Diana and Gilbert nodded, smiling.

“I can’t wait to meet her,” said Winnie.

“Right, you haven’t met. They couldn’t make it last year for Delly’s birthday. Surely they’ll continue the tradition this year, right?” asked Anne.

When they’d gone away to college, Delly’s birthday had always fallen right at the peak of exam season and Bash had made it a tradition to fly to Toronto for her birthday so they could spend it with Gilbert. Gilbert felt strange about Anne mentioning something the two had never discussed, again reminded of how despite their silent past few years, at no point had they actually been truly out of touch. The thought seemed comforting, but it only went to confuse and burden him further.

“…And it’s coming up, what, next month?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said Gilbert. “It’s the big one oh. She’ll want to have a party at home.”

“If she does, you should be there. I know you guys have your hours but surely you could take just a couple of personal days. For Delly’s jubilee!”

“You know,” Gilbert smiled, “If I can- if _we_ can swing it, it should be a surprise to her. So don’t tell her anything.”

“We won’t,” Anne and Diana promised, in very different tones.

Gilbert turned to check on the stew.

“I need to have a taste. Give me a taste,” Anne demanded.

“Wait until we’re seated, carrots.”

“No, I want it from the wooden spoon to taste. You know that’s where it’s most delicious.”

“What, I’m just supposed to then dispose of the spoon?”

Their banter continued and faded into the simmering pot.

“There is no getting between them and that spoon,” commented Diana. “It’s a gladiator fight.”

Winnie laughed delightedly, and Diana felt…that she hadn’t felt _that_ great about herself in quite some time.

“Winnie, would you mind if I took to the living room? I’m a little embarrassed but I have an important interview tomorrow and I have some things to go over.”

“Oh, not at all. Anne mentioned something about that. Graduate school at U of T, right?”

“Yes, it’s a follow-up interview. The program is highly competitive. I want to make sure I’m really well prepared.”

“Oh, I know the feeling. I’ll help you if you need.”

“That won’t be-”

“I’d love to do it. I’m just like you in that regard.”

“Thank you.”

They retreated to the living room. Anne and Gilbert’s giddy laughs echoed in the background.

“They sure have their particular way of fun, don’t they?”

“Yeah,” Diana smiled, “They were always a good pair in the kitchen…and everywhere. I’m glad to see it again.”

“I’m glad you guys are here. I know Gilbert misses Avonlea too much, even though he always downplays it. And right now it seems impossible to find the time to go anywhere, let alone come visit. I’m happy he has Avonlea visiting _him_.”

“We miss him over there too. And in Charlottetown, since that’s where _I_ live.”

“Okay, I don’t think they’d mind if we opened this. What do you think?” Winnie went and grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses from a small cabinet in the living room.

“Uh, sure,” Diana accepted nervously, looking over to Anne and Gilbert in the kitchen, focused on nothing but each other.

“So, tell me,” said Winnie, pouring their wine, “What do you do? Or did, before applying to school.”

“I…run a nonprofit.”

“That’s incredible! What’s your cause?”

“Women’s education is our main one,” Diana looked down, and continued, “My parents founded our organization about ten years back. When I graduated college it was expected that I would run it. I’m very proud of the work we do, but I am eager to do something of my own. That’s why I decided to go back to school.”

“I understand. I’m the first doctor in my family, and the first person not to want anything to do with the family business. Part of the reason I chose medicine was because it truly felt like I was creating a path of my own, you know? Like it’s the only thing that could help me be truly fulfilled. The work makes me very proud of course, but those two things really go together.”

“That’s wonderful. Doing the work you do and feeling content, what could be better?”

“You know, if you truly like the work _you_ do, and it’s good, you shouldn’t feel bad about it not being something you started. You wouldn’t feel that way if it the nonprofit were started by somebody else’s parents and not your own.”

“Well, I don’t think I would’ve gotten the position.”

“Oh, I see. You’re a humble soul, Diana.”

“Oh, please. And, call me Dee. Diana is such a mouthful.”

“I will call you as you please, but Diana is not a mouthful. It is the most graceful name I can think to…grace my lips.”

“Thank you! So is Winifred. What a perfect name to utter. Talk about-”

“Archaic?”

“Historic! Refined…” Diana paused and sighed, “Beautiful.”

“You know I always preferred the nickname Freddie, but it never caught on. I couldn’t wait to become a doctor so I could just be Dr. Rose.”

“Dr. Winnie sounds adorable though.”

“Oh no, Dr. Winnie is for when someone is deliberately trying to get on my nerves.”

“Well, then, I’ll be the one to call you Freddie. If you’d like of course. I mean-”

“I’d love it if you called me Freddie,” Winifred soothed Diana’s urgent panic, “It would be an honour, in fact.”

Diana smiled, letting out a silent sigh, which, signified to her so much more than she could have anticipated for herself that night. She forgot why she was there. She forgot she had met Freddie not an hour earlier. 

She’s the best friend, she thought. In that particular scenario she was not supposed to experience the sweet perks of a protagonist. But that couch she and Freddie were sitting on, was center stage.

“Besides,” said Winifred, gently taking down a sip of her wine, “I know we ‘just met’, but if things go as they should, we’ll be _meeting_ a lot more often, right? Cause you’ll be in Toronto!”

“What? Oh, yes, if I get in that is.”

“I’m certain it’s a matter of _when_ you get in. Speaking of which, let me do what I promised. Pass me those flashcards.”

In the kitchen Anne kept Gilbert company as he looked over the stew, stirring occasionally with his newly obtained wooden spoon.

“Thank you for having us tonight. I’m already having so much fun.”

“Me too. I’m…really glad you’re here. And Diana seems to be hitting it off with Winnie.”

“Yeah, that’s a relief. You know, her interview is actually tomorrow. She didn’t really have to leave that night.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, she wanted to drop that speech and then leave us alone, so we could have…productive conversation, I guess.” She had to choose her words carefully.

Gilbert quickly rewound to two nights before. He thought of the dinner and the film and the laughs and the joy. The joy always came first, to mind, and to heart. He thought of the conversation. Productive? Sure. He had another string of adjectives in store. They all had to do with that warmth in his chest, where _everything_ rested.

“Well, we did that, right?” he responded.

“Yes, of course. It was a wonderful night, wasn’t it? I was very happy yesterday when Winnie said you’d told her we had fun.”

“Yeah, she noticed it before I even told her. I looked far too joyful _._ ” _Just like in this moment._

Gilbert smiled. His heart was going- had been going- at a speed that is really difficult to ignore. That warm image of him had the same effect on Anne. They were both doing the same thing in their heads. Focusing, again, as it remained a new thing, on how wonderful it was to have the other in their lives again, in that proximity, and struggling, straining, fighting to suppress the dreaded feeling such proximity was blossoming to life. Had already blossomed to life, if they were to finally start being honest with themselves.

As they spoke, their unspeakable emotions were fully turning into clear bits of truth circling their heads as thoughts, ready to be acknowledged, screaming to get their attention. The more they stood hovering over that pot, speaking tenderly of nothing but how wonderful it was to have the other in their life, the more the line blurred, the louder the truth howled at them.

Diana and Winnie shared a loud laugh in the living room.

“So when’s your next book meeting?” Gilbert spoke after being shaken to reality.

“Uh, tomorrow as well.”

“And it will be the last?”

“Hopefully.”

“I’m sad you’re leaving. I just got you back and you have to go.”

“Don’t worry Gil. I’m sure our friendship will manage to cross provinces this time. We’ll talk. We’ll have family conferences and we’ll have the added bonus of not avoiding each other anymore.”

“You know it has been really hard to find time off. With rushing through school and the business of life it’s hard to go back and forth pretty often.”

“I imagine.”

“When I move on to steadier hours I’ll definitely make the time to visit more often.”

“That would be great.”

“In fact, I’ve also considered…coming back.” He hadn’t considered it long, but ever since the Monday of that week, he was halfway through making hard plans.

“Really?!”

“I came to Toronto for the better education. Why should I not practice somewhere in PEI even if for a little while? I miss it too much.”

“That would be fantastic,” Anne squeezed his arms. “Everyone will be so happy!”

“I’d be the happiest,” he said really softly, gazing intensely and unabashedly into Anne’s eyes. He knew what he felt. He knew what he was thinking: nothing besides the two of them. Anne gazed right back, well aware in her heart, and mind, too.

“Winnie,” she said, not loud enough for her to hear in the living room, “What does she think about it?”

“We-we’d have to discuss it,” Gilbert shook his head. “It’s still early to make any plans. Here, have another taste. It should be ready.” And he gave her another spoonful to taste.

“It’s amazing!”

“It is?”

“Ah, I’m so happy,” Anne almost shrieked.

She was dying to hug him. There was no pretext. No way to make it natural. She just stood there, holding back tears, concealing them with giddy squeals as she silenced the thoughts that screamed at her a report of what was so loudly stirring in her heart. Gilbert banged the spoon at the side of the stew pot, then threw it in the sink, feeling the same way.

In the living room, Diana and Winnie shared more laughs.


	11. An Avonlean Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in Avonlea, Marilla and Muriel discuss recent developments and Cole pays a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since we haven't checked back in Avonlea!   
> I wanted to publish this chapter earlier but I held out on it until I was happy with it. I'll be able to publish the rest of the work more quickly as I now have some free time on my hands. (I also went back a few days ago and gave the chapters titles!)

[G: Hi Miss Stacy!

A: And Mrs. Miss Stacy!

Both: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

A: Really, since were grownups now, or so they tell us, Muriel and Hannah, happy anniversary! Nine years ago a very special someone entered the life of our _dearest_ person. It was our senior year and as we groaned and sighed through our days, clutching our hair and not sleeping the nights, deeming it utter **_hell_** -

G: If one is to be dramatic about it.

(she nudges him with her elbow)

A: Miss Stacy would come to class, every day, nearly floating on air! She would hum a tune and sing her greetings and rave about how brightly the sun shone and how sweet the flowers smelled and how lovely every breeze was…She was in seventh **_heaven_**!

G: And here I do concur, Anne does not exaggerate.

A: In fact, I don’t even do the memory justice! It was indescribable how happy our dear Miss Stacy seemed. All because of this wonderful woman who made her laugh like no one else, who lit her up like no other thing in life, whom we could not imagine to be more perfect for her.”

G: It’s true.

A: I have the pleasure of seeing you very often and I see nothing but true love, at every corner. Wherever you walk together you light up the street. _Wherever you are, magic can be felt in the air! The world is a better place with you two as a team. Everything makes perfect sense with you two together. It’s the closest we may ever witness…to a real-life fairytale._

(a pause)

G: You don’t even have to witness it every day to know it. Miss Stacy, you know how thankful we are for you. All these years later. That will never ever change. And Hannah, just for being you, we’re so thankful for you! And _to_ you.

A: We love you, Miss Stacy.

G: And Mrs. Miss Stacy.

Both: Happy anniversary!]

Muriel replayed the message for the fourth time that afternoon, having shown it to everyone at Green Gables. Marilla had seen it all four times, but voiced none of her actual thoughts after each watch, only sentences such as ‘How sweet of them!’ or ‘How wonderful they’re spending time together!”, things she believed everyone thought.

She spoke nothing of her motherly concern of what Gilbert’s company meant for Anne, or her anxiety to speak to Anne and see her again and ask her in detail about what she felt. _Because oh, how much she must have felt, and still be feeling!_

“Isn’t that just…fascinating?” said Rachel, who the fourth replay was for.

“I would say it’s sweet,” said Muriel.

“This is a miracle, surely. I mean how could this have happened in less than a week.”

“It’s not for us to question Rachel.”

“Oh, but I do. What does this even mean?”

“It means that two old friends are still two old friends. It’s sweet. And it’s good. We’ve been wishing for this. And it’s very sweet of them to send me and Hannah this. They’re the same sweet kids who I helped educate. That’s it.”

Rachel didn’t speak. Marilla had been silent the whole time.

“Rachel, you’re scarier when you don’t say anything. Isn’t she, Marilla?”

“I have thoughts brewing,” said Rachel, staring into the distance.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, don’t brew anything,” spoke Marilla, very in character, momentarily snapping herself out of her worries. “Weren’t you about to get going?”

“I was. I have errands to run. I do brew my best thoughts when I’m hurrying from one place to another. See you ladies.”

“Thank you again for handling the flowers,” shouted Muriel. “They look wonderful!”

“You’re welcome, dear. You know I’m always up to intimidate some florists,” Rachel goaded, and left.

“Now that the person known for loud and ruthless prying is out of the room, what do you really think this means?” Muriel asked Marilla, prying, in contrast, only gently and softly.

“I don’t know, Muriel. I haven’t spoken to Anne as much as I’d like. I was concerned enough with her book meeting, and now this.”

“Wasn’t her next meeting today, by the way?”

“She said it got pushed to next week. She’s going to stay a few more days.”

“Oh! Why did it get pushed?”

“Anne said they had to take a meeting with some celebrity at the last minute. You know, one with a memoir and a lucrative deal.”

“Oh, too bad. Did she say who it was?”

“No, she doesn’t know,” Marilla laughed, but within a second her expression turned upside down. “I was so anxious for her to come home. I can’t wait until she’s back and she comes to me and…bares her soul! That’s what I hope she’ll do. What I really hope is she’ll tell me that she’s truly happy and the trip was a success and that she’s relieved about Gilbert and that’s it. But I don’t know. Her seeing Gilbert again. It can’t be this random. This casual. It must be affecting her. She is so passionate and feeling, about everything.”

“That she is. Marilla, I’m curious, has Gilbert never come up before? All these years?”

“A few times. She was so stubborn at first, whenever I would try to ask her about him. She never told me exactly what happened. To this day I don’t know. But I made sure to take notice, and over the years, I saw the expression on her face evolve whenever Gilbert came up. From a seeming anger, to neutral silence, to the slightest hint of interest, to this sad expression of, I don’t know, nostalgia, longing, missing her friend – or her old love? I don’t know.”

“Bash said almost the exact same thing. About Gilbert.”

“I know. We’ve tried to steer clear of the kids as a topic of conversation, so as to not involve ourselves in their business, but I don’t know. I do know we care too much. I want nothing more than to say, Anne is an adult, they are both adults and it’s their business. And if they can be friends again it will be better for all of us, but how can I not wonder, if there again might be a chance for heartbreak and hurt? What if…I don’t even know what.”

“It’s understandable that you do wonder. _Rachel_ can’t help but wonder. I can’t either, we are too involved as well. Perhaps it’s not even normal. But what’s important is their families worry and they want what’s best for them. And that’s all they’ll find.”

“That’s true. And Anne _has_ Diana…oh but what if she needs a mom right now? To go to, just to rant, just to ramble on and on. I remember when she was young, she would speak aloud every thought that was in her head. She was so unapologetic and so bold. Still is, of course, but there’s always that filter when you get older…Look at me, still babying my twenty-six year old daughter.”

“You’re not babying her. Even if you were, it’s fair game for another five years, right?”

“Muriel,” Marilla said anxiously, visible distress on her face, “Can I confess something?”

“Of course,” Muriel squeezed her hand.

“With all Anne’s been through in life, I want her to have…everything. Even though it’s been a long time, I’m still scouring for ways my girl can have nothing but happiness and joy and see no hurt, no pain anymore, whatsoever. I know it’s unrealistic but she’s been humbled by this life quite enough,” Marilla looked down, and inhaled, “Because of that, I secretly wished she’d find her true love right away. That besides us, she’d have that something special too, so that wherever she looked, she’d be surrounded by love, and…and I thought Gilbert would be that person. I’ve never even admitted it, perhaps out of fear that it’s just some sick ploy on my part because of my past with John Blythe. _But_ I’d see those kids together, and feel so certain. Anne told me once she loved him and I urged her to go to him but then, nothing came of it and then all these years that have made _no_ sense, and now…”

“Something that still makes no sense.”

“Exactly.”

“You weren’t delusional Marilla. We all saw it. We _know_ it. But, the bottom line is they are adults. And they should figure it all out on their own. If Anne needs you, she’ll come to you. And you’ll be the best mother on Earth, like always. Although she would put it in far better words.”

“Thank you, Muriel,” Marilla leaned towards a hug, “I needed to vent.”

“I’m always here.”

“Come on now, let’s continue with the decorations. It’s not _my_ anniversary.”

Muriel laughed heartily and thanked her for the millionth time.

As they continued, Cole walked in with special deliveries.

“One royal portrait of the ladies of the hour, oil on canvas, commissioned by one Miss Josephine Barry, painted by your truly!”

“Cole!” called Muriel. “Oh, thank you so much!”

“Happy anniversary, Miss Stacy!”

“Thank you!”

“And for the humble owners of this establishment, this small basket of black truffle.”

“Cole! We could never-”

“Jo splurged on it, Marilla, but she has no taste for it. She says it belongs in the Green Gables kitchen. You must accept without fuss.”

“Ooh, should I consider that a present for my new position?” spoke Jerry, stepping out of the kitchen.

“No Mr. Chef, “ answered Cole playfully, “This is for the kitchen. Jo has other things in mind for her favorite.”

“All I want is for her to come to the dinner. She _my_ favorite.”

“And you suspect she’ll show up empty-handed?”

Everyone laughed.

“I also brought these,” Cole quickly brought in one by one four small boxes from outside.

“What are they?” asked Marilla.

“They’re Anne’s. It’s a bunch of old notebooks I think. Anne wanted to move them a while ago but she didn’t get around to it before leaving for Toronto so I promised I’d bring them around.”

“Thank you, then.”

“I actually think this is the last of her stuff. There’s nothing of hers left at our apartment.”

“Really?!”

“I guess she’s all moved back.”

“Well, what has she said, Marilla?” asked Muriel. “Is she going to move back for good or still pretend to split her time?”

“I don’t know. I guess we’ll see when she comes back.”

“What difference does it make anyway?” said Cole. “Here, there with us. I mean why not live here with you. I’m not saying I’m thrilled not to have her around all the time but we are close enough and what is Green Gables without Anne?”

“Isn’t that the truth!”

“Where should I leave these boxes?”

“Why don’t you take them upstairs to the storage room for now. Anne can do with them what she pleases when she gets back.”

“I’ll help you carry them, bud,” offered Jerry.

“Cole!” shrieked Muriel in awe, nearly causing them to drop the boxes and unbalance themselves on the stairs, “It’s so beautiful! No, beautiful doesn’t even begin to describe it. I can’t believe it! Wow! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! Oh, it’s gorgeous!”

“You’re welcome, Miss Stacy. Happy anniversary!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say except I love these characters so much that I would never get tired just writing about their daily interactions with each other, be it now or canon era? Just all of them sitting together, drinking tea, throwing sass around. I love them!


	12. The Death of 'Two Old Buddies'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne and Diana exchange heated words regarding Anne and Gilbert's friendship, which Diana believes to be headed in a familiar direction.

Back in Toronto, hours earlier, the fifth day of the week had dawned with much emotional turmoil.

A pensive Anne lay frozen in bed, clutching the bed sheet under her chin, sinking further and further into numbingly painful reflections. Blocks away, staring emptily at a bowl of soggy cereal he couldn’t stomach, Gilbert sat facing the mortifying reality of his unwavering feelings, too pained to acknowledge them.

One’s image of the other, in all its renewed glory, hadn’t left either of their minds for a second. They’d slept the night secretly cherishing the sight and sound of each other’s laugh, so fresh on their minds, only to spitefully welcome a morning come to remind them such things were not theirs to cherish.

All they felt, and recognized, and _knew_ , could perfectly be reduced to one simple sentence. Only, they would not string together the words to formulate that sentence just yet, _or ever_ , but it was there nevertheless, a roaring headline among their thoughts, sending nothing but pain signals to hearts aching more and more by the minute.

This friendship had a natural trajectory, and a finish line. It had followed that trajectory once, crushing them both in the end, and it was now following it again, at a much accelerated rate. With each line of conversation, with each pause of silence, with each joke, each laugh, each callback, each memory, each sigh, each instance of talking over one another, there lay the realization, over and over again, that this friendship…was not just simply that and it could never be!

Before they could continue with their day, Anne and Gilbert both felt they had to take on the responsibility of burying deep that much-too-powerful, ever-growing sensation that could drag them, kicking and screaming, to that hellish finish line.

* * *

“I’m sorry you can’t come home yet,” said Matthew.

“It’s alright. It’s just a few more days.”

“So, I hear you’ve been spending a lot of time with Gilbert, eh?”

“I have.”

“And has it been…fun?”

“Yes, Matthew, it’s been fun.”

“Has it been… _the same_?”

“Besides the fact we’re adults…yes, pretty much the same. _Same old us_.”

“And that’s good, I presume.”

“It is,” Anne assured. “Is there…anything else you’re itching to ask? I’m sure everyone is.”

“Nothing you wouldn’t tell me yourself,” Matthew put his hands up. “Why? Is there…anything else you’re itching to _say_?”

Anne considered the generous opportunity Matthew was offering, her inner conflict reflected in her eyes. Had Matthew been face to face with her, he would’ve recognized it so well. Hell, he still saw it, even in Anne’s grainy image on his phone screen.

“No, there is _not_ ,” she asserted with a smile. “Only that I can’t wait to be home so we can start planning your party!”

“Will you persuade Gilbert to come, since you’re there?”

“I don’t think he needs much persuading, just to find the time. I already talked him into coming to Avonlea for Delly’s birthday. I don’t think he can afford more.”

“I see. Too bad. But, there will be other chances. You do know…there’ll be so many other chances.”

Anne smiled in discomfort, at once attempting both to conceal and reveal that she understood Matthew’s implications, loud and clear. Eight years suddenly compressed to an instant’s realization. There hadn’t been ‘many other chances’ in that time. Her heart dropped thinking there might just be the one… _chance_ for her and he - uh, it, could not happen.

“I love you and I miss you, Matthew.” 

“I love you and I miss you, Anne.”

“I’ll see you soon. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye,” he said most gently.

 _At least the kindest, most comforting smile in the world, belongs to my father,_ Anne thought.

“Dee?” she then yelled, hearing the lock turn.

“Anne!” Diana squealed, “You’re back already?! I’m in! They told me in the room! I got in!”

“Of course you did!” Anne flung herself to her best friend. “Ah, I’m so proud of you!”

“Thank you, kindred spirit, thank you!”

In moments of extreme emotion Diana uttered the words without a hint of the usual playful irony, and in that particular moment, a mix of pride, joy and relief turned her into a gleaming rambling sunshine of a human.

“Ah, I’m floating on air! I need to sleep, no, wait, I need some good fucking food in me first! Let’s have a good big lunch out, to celebrate! W-w-wait! I should’ve asked you right away, how did _your_ meeting go? I am such an idiot! I’m sorry, I can’t think straight! Ah, but when do I ever?”

“It’s alright Dee,” Anne laughed. “I didn’t have my meeting today. It got pushed.”

“What do you mean pushed?”

“Just until next week. They had some big client come in and they needed the whole team, the whole day.”

“That’s kind of unprofessional.”

“It’s just business, Dee. It’s fine. I don’t mind being here a few more days.”

“Of course,” Diana’s enthusiasm faded, many pointed thoughts in her head already aimed to shoot, specifically about Anne’s ‘few more days’, _few more days with a certain someone that is._

“But speaking of a good lunch,” said Anne, dragging her to the kitchen, “I wasn’t actually useless all morning. I put this lovely kitchen to good use and prepared us a feast which I knew would be a victory one!”

“Ah!” Diana melted before the gorgeous spread of comfort foods, “You truly are my soulmate! Thank you!”

\---

“I’m feeling an unusual urge to photograph this food. I don’t want to start!”

“It’s already cold, Dee! You better dig in.”

“I wish we could both dig in triumphantly!” said Diana, slathering butter on her roll, “Too bad you haven’t settled everything yet.”

“It’s perfectly fine,” said Anne, a tad too joyfully.

“Hmm!” Diana smiled, focused on her food.

“What?”

“I like how you’re not even masking the excitement of having to stay.” She took a big bite.

Anne felt the need to become defensive.

“It’s more…the absence of a nuisance, than anything else, really.”

“That’s an interesting way to put it.”

Everything Diana said, she said laughing, but the words affected Anne much more than their delivery.

“Put what, Dee?” her irritation began to show.

Diana was taken aback, and while still sweet and mild in demeanor, didn’t hold back on her bluntness.

“The presence of Gilbert being merely the absence of a nuisance and not an object of absolute thrill.”

“You still haven’t dropped that?”

“Well if there’s a time to pick it up, evidently it’s now.”

“I would argue it isn’t.”

“And you could, but I’d still be right.”

“About what exactly?”

“The fact that you enjoy Gilbert’s presence too much and in a way that warrants my comments.”

“God Dee, enough with the wicked jabs, so nicely masked by that sweet laugh that’s supposed to undercut all your serious implications! Just say what you want to say, straightforwardly.”

“That’s what I wish _you_ would do.”

“Me?”

“That’s what _you_ need to do, Anne. You tell me what you desperately hold to be true and then when you’re with Gilbert you turn into this image that I am so familiar with. I only speak from experience. I know the two of you. I know where you go from here. And it’s taken no time at all to get there.”

“I keep telling you that’s not the case!”

“And I kept believing you until last night.”

Anne didn’t have much of a case. Or many convincing arguments in her. She swallowed nervously, and Diana felt cruel for pushing her.

“I’m sorry, Anne. You must be in conflict - or not! It’s not my place. I don’t know why I’m being harsh instead of gentle.” She did have trouble understanding the newly turned bitter reaction to Anne and Gilbert’s closeness. “You know that I’m here for you. Whatever you want to share, whenever you want to share it.”

“I do.”

“I don’t want this lunch to be ruined. You were so thoughtful.”

“It’s not ruined. We’re just talking. Let’s just keep eating okay? I haven’t heard any comments on the _food_.”

“I have every intention of making those comments, but really, let me take you out to dinner tonight. To celebrate properly. We’ve been in Toronto all week and haven’t been out one night just the two of us.”

Anne’s expression turned a mix of ashamed and terrified. “I’d love to, Dee, I just…”

“What?”

“I’ve made plans with Gilbert.”

“Seriously? Again?”

“Dee, I beg you not to start.”

“This is so rich!”

“He insisted on it! Just a quick meal before he has to be at work. It’s no big deal.”

“Oh, no! It never is, when it comes to you!”

“Dee, please-”

“This is not normal, Anne!”

“What is not nor-”

“He’s showering you with his time and attention and you’re basking in it!”

“We’re friends who happen to miss each other! That’s it. There’s nothing wrong-“

“You didn’t speak to each other on your volition, Anne,” Diana raised her voice. “Through your own stupidity. It wasn’t anyone else’s fault but the two of yours. This isn’t the universe’s cruel hand, it was all you! And I’m glad things changed but this…this…overcompensating, it’s weird! It’s not…I know best and I know the two of you…”

“Nothing is going on between us. Nothing ever went on betwe-”

“I know what did and didn’t happen Anne. But how can you say there was nothing? You were in love with each other, and I think we’re very close to history repeating itself, much, much faster this time.”

“Well, it won’t,” Anne’s voice quivered. She felt certain of that assertion, and felt it killing her. “And I don’t understand. Why did you force us together three nights ago? Why have you teased me so much about what you’re suddenly so mad at me for.”

“I wanted you to talk things out so that you knew where you stood. I don’t know that you _have_ done that, but it doesn’t matter. I know what I see and…” Diana took a deep breath, “Winifred!”

Anne didn’t speak.

“That’s why this is all so complicated right? Because of Winifred. She doesn’t deserve this, Anne. She doesn’t deserve a Gilbert that’s hung up on you. I don’t want her to get hurt.”

“She won’t! And Gilbert is not hung up on me. I’m sure he was over me when he left, eight years ago!”

“Really? And you?”

Again, Anne said nothing.

“You and Gilbert are not just two old buddies. You never had the energy of two old buddies. And it may seem that Winifred is totally unconcerned with everything but I think she’s trying too hard for Gilbert’s sake. She thinks he’s unhappy and she sees you as a way of easing his longing for Avonlea. I’m sure she has her doubts, I mean she’s so smart, she must have her doubts! But she's also so kind and trusting and you will not make her feel like a fool. I won’t let you!”

“You know I would never do that! Gilbert would never do that. I despise what you’re telling me and you keep ignoring when I tell you that I…you know what, I’m sick of this! I’m sick of you!”

The words bolted out of Anne mouth and right into Diana’s chest. Anne had not meant them before they were even uttered, yet made no effort to stop herself, figuring this was the only way to bring an end to such an awful conversation.

“Well, worry not,” said a dejected Diana, heading for the door. “I’m going back home first thing tomorrow.”

As she was about to step out, she turned calmly. “Look, I may know you better than anyone, but I’m not inside your mind. I don’t know if you’re really fooling yourself to this degree, but watch out. This time, it’s Freddie’s heart on the line.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had the Anne and Diana fight written for a long time but the only reason this chapter was delayed (I meant to publish last week) was simply because I kept rewriting those first few paragraphs. Who knew there are so many ways to try and convey the feelings Anne and Gilbert are having without dropping big words too soon! Bear with me guys, we're getting there and boy is everyone so needlessly terrified!


	13. An Entire Godforsaken Mess Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A two-parter detailing the intense interactions between the pairs of Anne and Gilbert and Diana and Winifred, all involved in a...well, the title of the chapter.

In the lasting tale of _that_ Friday, which keeps going back and forth in time in a line parallel to the characters’ overpowering emotions, a dear text message had jump-started the day for Diana.

“Good luck DIANA! Knock ‘em dead today! Absolutely obliterate them! You’ve got this!” were the special words of encouragement Diana had woken up to, which Winifred had made sure to send before heading for work.

Delight had taken over Diana’s entire being for reasons not at all difficult for her to grasp. She had been completely enchanted by Winifred the night before, and had the circumstances of their first meeting been entirely different, she would’ve spared no morsel of flirtation or any attempt her natural charming self, in all its confidence, would normally make to proceed towards a date.

But with Freddie (she smiled every time she recalled that special nickname) she found herself in a most bizarre situation, entangled in such an unfortunate and unnecessary mess, all because her best friend in the world and the certain love of the best friend’s life, had, after eight years, resumed with their friendship a game of romantic failures that Diana, within the span of a day, was no longer sympathetic to.

And roped up in this mess, was the woman she…she…liked, without the smallest hint of a doubt, who did not deserve to find herself in a love triangle with Anne and Gilbert. Did she even know she was in one? No one deserved to be. Anne and Gilbert would end up taking anyone down with them before there was any chance of them getting together, as per Diana's resentful thoughts, and if at one time, she had backed the tragical aspect of it that Anne always romanticized as a way to cope, she now felt herself, instantly, and perhaps a little irrationally, bitterly turning on it.

How to keep rooting for Anne and Gilbert now? How to do it if it seemed like she had something to gain from it and how to even wish it in the first place, if it meant Freddie would end up hurt and betrayed? Harshly enraged by Anne and Gilbert’s fickle, cowardly game, and blind to the genuine, understandable fears that made it so, embittered by the whole situation and burdened by her budding feelings for Winifred, she’d found herself, later that day, in the middle of a loud fight with Anne, being told her best friend was sick of her.

She knew she’d been irrational. She knew, as it was happening, that by turning on Anne, she was giving up any sort of mature measure she’d always boasted she possessed. But if Anne and Gilbert would refuse to be adults about their feelings then, damn it, she should be allowed it too!

And so, hurt and frustrated, she talked some really, really severe sense into Anne, and after leaving the apartment in a fit of rage, she began roaming the streets in an attempt to clear her head, and shake the upset out of her system.

* * *

It was assuredly strange to Anne, to the point of wackily wild, to set off to see Gilbert that afternoon with that degree of determination. She sensed herself being driven insane by Diana’s words (and the undeniable truth in them), by Diana’s many fair points (despite the undeservedly harsh tone that had delivered them) and by the true nature of her own feelings so clear to herself (while so fervently denied to Diana), and even though Gilbert was object of them all, he remained as Diana had, to Anne’s dismay, so precisely put it, first and foremost, the object of absolute thrill.

Her replicated feelings (which came with replicated fears), as well as her insistent unwillingness to their exact nature despite being very much aware of them, did not hinder any joy or giddiness in getting to see him. Anne’s unmatched bullheadedness only guided her steps more eagerly as if the harder she pressed her foot to the ground, the more she was spiting Diana.

Then, suddenly, a change in her, caused her to halt in the middle of the sidewalk. A keen observer would turn to see what had startled her so, and if one _were_ around, right across the street they’d find none other than one Gilbert Blythe walking toward her, hands in his pockets, eyes on the ground, wobbly eyebrows belonging to a most distressed countenance that disappeared the second he looked up and locked eyes with the person awaiting him.

A warm hug found them meeting in the middle, lingering on purpose, willfully ignorant to the fact the other was doing the same thing. After all, a friendly hug hello was the grand loophole, the only acceptable scenario where for a fleeting moment, Anne and Gilbert could just, for the love of all that is holy, hold each other.

* * *

“Thank you, Winnie. Sorry, Freddie! It went really well! I’m in!” runaway Diana at last composed her reply, sitting on a bench, settling on what seemed a most innocent exchange among new friends.

She did not expect Freddie to answer right away.

“I was certain you would! I’m proud of you! And you better be too!”

“Proud of you? Why, certainly, I am!”

“That’s cute. But you know what I mean. I hope you’re excited about this.”

“I am. Very much!”

“I’m very happy you’ll be in Toronto.”

“I am too.”

“What about now? Will you be going back anytime soon?”

“I’m going back tomorrow morning.”

“That is unacceptable, DIANA! We haven’t hung out nearly enough!”

Diana sat on that bench, by her lonesome, smiling ear to ear with a heart going whimsically fast, yet much too hesitant to answer. 

“I’ll stay for you and you alone,” she typed, and quickly erased, sensing guilt overtake her, in every direction. In wanting to cross the friendship line with Winifred, in betraying Anne by prioritizing someone she’d just met, in…whatever it was she was doing to Gilbert, and twofold. But she desperately wanted to see Freddie again, if not for the very pure reason of wanting to further a friendship with someone she really liked.

“If only you were free right now,” was what she sent.

The answer came after a few minutes, which to Diana felt an eternity. Her anxiety read to her a list of dreadful texts, with Winifred telling her she’d hated her all along, demanding she leave her alone. If only she knew the delay came from Winifred asking her colleagues if it would be alright to take a longer lunch break, and getting confirmation on it.

“Can you meet me in front of the hospital?” was what she sent back.

“Now?”

“If you can.”

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

And she took off, exhilarated, almost skipping her way to the nearest subway station.

* * *

“I have to say, even if it’s just a few more days, I’m thrilled you’re not leaving yet.”

Gilbert spoke the words in the only manner he could afford since he and Anne had opened themselves to each other again. With that lighthearted, it’s-just-Anne’s-old-buddy tone, he could every once in while sneak in a sentiment too risky to be uttered with his usual intensity, although, and this is being generous, the man was terrible at it.

The only reason he ever succeeded in sneaking line-crossing sentimentality by Anne, was her steadfast, deliberate ignorance to it. And when emotions ran too high, and the tension hit its peak, and he could no longer even attempt to mask the emotion in his words, that’s when hearts ached the most.

That afternoon, Anne had been confronted with many fair points, and felt the need to examine them all in every word Gilbert spoke, beginning with his thrill of her staying.

“I am too,” said Anne after running it all in her head within a flash.

“You’re not upset about the meeting?”

“Oh, no it’s no big deal.” Her demeanor did not reflect the nonchalance in her speech.

“I’m not used to you saying so few words,” Gilbert joked.

“I-I’m just exhausted. I woke up early for nothing!” Anne forced some energy out of herself.

“I understand. I’m about to have a long date with exhaustion this weekend. Long shift. Which is criminal since you’re going to be here.”

“Gilbert!” Anne nearly shouted out of the blue.

“What?” he nearly panicked.

“I have an idea.”

“Tell me.”

“We find ourselves such close friends again, and it’s incredible, but without the knowledge to justify it, don’t you think? We’ve reminisced so much about our teenage years,” she shuddered to think of all they’d skipped as well, “but we haven’t talked much about what we’ve missed.”

Gilbert looked down, smiling. “Well, I can tell you, you haven’t missed much.”

“I doubt that.”

“It’s true. I’ve done nothing remarkable. Otherwise you would’ve heard it. From Bash.”

“Well, Delly speaks of your achievements as if you've landed on the moon! I haven’t heard nearly enough from Bash, for reasons that are my own fault et cetera, et cet-”

“What about me?” said Gilbert softly, “Have I missed a lot?”

Anne looked at him, considering what to say. She thought about big opportunities and events that in retrospect were no longer significant. In the grand scheme of things, he hadn’t. At least nothing he too wouldn’t have heard from Bash. He’d already kept up with her work.

“You have,” she said, “But only because…” she was going to say it, “There’s nothing I wouldn’t want to share with you.” She said it. “Whenever a morning dawned with a lovely air, and it reminded me of when we’d pull all-nighters, I wanted to tell you. Whenever I found something strange or funny, but no one else did, I was dying to show you. It’s the small things, you know, the day-to-day experiences that make life, that I really wish I had shared with you.”

“I wish you had too. Why couldn’t you?”

“I’m sorry, Gil.”

“Not as much as I am,” Gilbert sighed.

“These last eight years have been the darkest testimony of my unrelenting stubbornness, which still goes strong.”

“Anne, you know I would never put that on you.”

“I know. I’m sorry I put it on you.”

“You have to know, and I should’ve said this day one, all you meant to me, our friendship, our bond, I never meant to abandon it or dismiss it or take It for granted. Losing your _friendship_ is right up there in the list of tragedies in my life, except it was in part my own doing and…I can have it back. I revel in having it back! And it’s painful to me, the idea of you finding beauty in the smallest nooks of life and wanting to show me but not being able to.”

“I’d argue it was more painful to me that lived it,” Anne teased.

“Well, I’ll argue right back because I’ve had a ton of pain of my own,” he said, then turned to her instinctively, “especially without you to light up my life.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again another two part chapter so as to not dump a longer one right away. Part 2 is already up!


	14. An Entire Godforsaken Mess Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the detailed interactions among the pairs in this foursome, each struggling to navigate much too intense feelings and fears.

“….Especially without you to light up my life.”

A rush had caused the sentiment to pour right out of Gilbert’s heart, betraying a truth best kept hidden. The words freaked them out both. Anne stopped, and turned to look at him, eyes wide, overwhelmed, heart bursting with…love, just a little hope and lot more guilt.

Gilbert looked away in panic, immediately dialing back and softening his accidental sincerity.

“Because, you know, how you always had a way to cheer me up. All of us! I’m jealous of the people in PEI who still have the privilege.”

Anne smiled nicely, feeling…disappointed, relieved? Disappointed. Feeling a _fool_.

“Thanks,” she threw the word at him casually, “Few people can say that. Most only remember the trouble I used to cause.”

“Well, Cole and Diana are very lucky. I’m glad you had them when I failed you.”

“Yeah, but no one could ever fill that empty space where you should have been.”

_I can’t imagine how much better everything would have been if I had you to share it with. How wonderful it would be now if I could share it with you now. How I want to share it with you now!_

“Well look, I’ve filled it!” he laughed, “And I promise, I won’t abandon post again!”

Anne smiled, masking the pain she’d begun to feel in copious amounts. She wondered if him being back in her life in this capacity was enough, if it was right at all, and if she could live with it, or if it would be better to go back to where they were less than a week ago, before the hornet’s nest that were those precarious feelings for him was jostled in this sudden, unexpected, very intense manner.

Gilbert saw her thinking, and felt the need to make reassurances he deemed necessary to prove how he intended to assume his old role, and nothing more. So that she wouldn’t have anything to worry about. Assurances that he didn’t know would crush Anne upon being made.

“And you know, nothing like last time will happen. That’s impossible now.”

Perhaps it was him saying the words so explicitly, that opened Anne’s eyes to their brutal reality in an alarming way. She thought about her lost chance on graduation night, and him leaving, and the awful mess it was then and the awful mess it was now except that chance was now entirely nonexistent. This was it. Plain and simple. And just because she felt the same way she did back then, perhaps even more intensely, for these were the adult feelings of a grownup, she couldn’t afford to lose him like then. So she had her answer. It’s better that he was in her life again, in whatever capacity. She would make do.

Diana’s words echoed back to her. She felt guilt weigh her down and she knew what she was guilty of doing, not guided by the innocence of their friendship, but by a very selfish desire to be near him, to get close to him, to experience as much of him as she could in that time. Because, there’s no denying…and there was no denying earlier either.

“Thank you for coming out with me tonight,” she changed the topic, “I do feel horrible for dragging you out before your shift.”

“Anne, I offered.”

“I know and I’m so grateful but you didn’t have to. You should never think that you have to.”

“I don’t. I know that I want to. _Anne_ ,” he stopped her, “Especially today. I wanted to try and cheer you up.”

Anne felt herself panicking. This was an emotional journey of a million twists, and in order to say what she thought she had a duty to say, in the same way Gilbert had done earlier, she aggressively blurted out an accusation hurled at herself earlier.

“Don’t you think we’re overcompensating a bit?”

“No,” Gilbert said, confused and disquieted, “Especially not after the conversation we literally just had.”

“I’m just saying we don’t need to see each other every day. We’re fine, we’re better than fine. I’ll be leaving soon and we’ll be okay when I do.”

“And because you’ll be leaving soon I want to see as much of you as I can. But If that doesn’t go both ways…”

“No, it does.” _You have no idea, Gilbert Blythe!_

“Well then?”

“Okay,” Anne lightened up with an idea, one that would, hopefully, fix the moment and the situation and this entire goddamn forsaken mess, “Here’s what I think!”

“About?”

“We’ve…we’ve talked about resuming, you know, unpausing this friendship, but I feel like that should not be the case.”

“What?”

“No, what I mean is, it’s silly to think things can be the same as before, because things didn’t end well before, so if anything this should be a ceremonial new beginning for us! A fresh start, a-”

“Clean slate?” he said, deadpan.

“Yes, how fitting! Right?”

Gilbert remained confused and worried and aching for them to be okay with each other. All he wanted was no more hang ups, no more kinks to it all, no more something the matter. But there always would be something the matter, and he wondered just how he would go about suppressing the matter, denying the matter, concealing the matter, suffocating the matter, before it would suffocate him. But he, just like her, exactly like her, would much rather suffer in silence, than have to go the everydays without Anne in his life, in any capacity. 

“Whatever you think is best, Anne. Since we’re still having these conversations,” he scoffed playfully, “But please, let’s stop talking about being friends and let’s just be…friends.”

“Yes, friends!” _Friends_ killed her. But friends is was. “Our natural habitat!” she said with mock cheer, masking a tragic sadness of the unrequited love sort.

* * *

“You must feel so relieved right now!” said Winifred, digging into her prepacked lunch.

“I do,” Diana confirmed, although relief was not at all what she felt.

“So, when do you start planning your move?”

“I don’t know. It’s not for another three months that I have to, so I’ll take it easy. I know our best friend Cole isn’t thrilled. Anne already sort of left us, and now I will too, only I won’t be a quick train ride away.”

“I love the way Anne talks about her connection to Avonlea. Gilbert has told me of it, not in as many words, of course. I wonder what it was like to grow up there.”

“Well, it was very different for all of us. For Anne, you can imagine, it was paradise. For outsiders it is a paradise objectively, so I can only picture what Anne saw when she first arrived. For me, it was a lot less exciting. I have been so lucky and so privileged and still, or perhaps for that exact reason, which I know is horrible to admit, but I could never feel the same joy. I was happy, in a sense, I definitely was when Anne showed up, but still for me it was simply where I lived. And for Gilbert, I think, it was his home, through and through. It bore tragedy, but also recovering from tragedy, in the arms of a community that loved him unconditionally. I believe, in every case, Avonlea is always the calm after any storm.”

“That's beautiful. I hope he would talk to me more about it. He is so guarded. It’s a challenge to make him open up. But this week has certainly been…different.”

Diana had never been weighed more by guilt, feeling complicit in something that barely had form, or even a label.

“I hope for the better,” she said, pained.

“I hope so too,” Winifred smiled kindly at her.

And despite the pain, or married with the pain, Diana was assured her feelings were no exaggeration, and certainly no whim.

“There’s a lot more you should tell me about you,” Winifred then said, also experiencing guilt at making Diana give her the perspective Gilbert wouldn’t. It was natural to bring him up in conversation, especially when he was the reason they’d met, but in the twenty-four hours they had known each other there was already so much more to light their conversations, and even more to keep them aflame. For reasons she didn’t think to consider, in Diana’s presence, she only needed to know more about her.

“I think I’ve pretty much covered it. We talked a _lot_ yesterday.”

“We sure did. But I still couldn’t let you go without some more conversation. And a proper face to face goodbye. For now, of course!”

“Well, I can say without a doubt, you’re the friendliest person I’ve ever met.”

Winifred smiled at the compliment. Diana didn’t know her nearly enough.

“I hope it doesn’t shatter your image of me if I tell you I am not that friendly.”

“Oh, but I see you’re a _liar_!”

“No, Diana, it’s true. I’m picky when it comes to people. That’s always been a negative. Which is why when I meet someone I really like, and that’s rare, believe me, I…I commit.”

To Winifred, these words felt to her a revelation. She’d known as much about herself of course, but it might have been the first time she’d confessed it to someone else, especially someone who was the implied object of her speech. Someone else was implied too. Gilbert. And it made so much sense, she realized in a fraction of a moment, that she should hang on to him the way she had until now, unquestionably and undoubtedly. And still would.

As for Diana, she could’ve jumped just from hearing Freddie declare she liked her, and _that_ much. It felt unreal. It also made it all the more needlessly painful. Entering this friendship, bearing such feelings, beside all the other complications, felt like fraud.

“So, how about the juicier stuff?” said Winifred, “You’re not dating anyone, I assume?”

Diana had prayed they wouldn’t talk of that.

“No, I’m not,” she said. “My last relationship was a few months ago. It was fun but nothing…”

“Serious?”

“Significant.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s perfectly alright. I never expected to settle down early or even commit to a long term relationship at all."

“Don’t you care for one?” Winifred immediately regretted asking, feeling she was prying for absolutely no reason.

“No, I do. _I do_ ,” Diana stressed, nearly getting lost in Freddie’s eyes, “But, who knows when that’s going to be. It’s the time limit I don’t care for.”

“But you’ll welcome it if it comes your way?”

“If I should be so lucky, I’ll never let go.”


	15. Much Charted Territory Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne and Gilbert open their hearts to their closest confidants about their feelings: Anne and Diana hash things out and Gilbert has many important realizations that Bash is there to hear. Part 1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back after a gruesome two and a half months and I'm so happy to get the story going again. I promise this is the last bit of angst until things start to happen!

Gilbert and Anne parted with a refreshed agony, which through pained laughs and pretend ease, they each tried to pass off as the contrary. As their now mastered innocent-fixed-gaze-gone unnoticed grew blurrier and blurrier, and its object - one another - more and more painful to behold, the frightening certain knowledge as to _why,_ roared unleashed in both of their minds, clear and undeniable.

They knew. _They knew._

Anne knew her own heart, Gilbert knew his, and so they stood on the exact same tortured boat. Only, she circled one end, he circled the other, and unable to find each other, they remained steadfastly believing they were alone at sea.

***

Early evening had commenced. The inconceivably long day went on.

Deluded by a cocktail of feelings that both contradicted and amplified one another, Gilbert walked a slow step, contemplating his new crystal clear reality, while still shying away from ceremonious declarations to himself. His intense emotions raged quietly within his heart, so as to not yet trouble the part of his brain that was to handle the real life consequences to them.

The early skips of a heartbeat, the oft accelerated heart rate, paired with moments of perfect tranquility, the almost forgotten feeling of having your entire being light up in the presence of another person, that _one_ person, were mere stepping stones that in a matter of days, landed him there, having to face what could not be helped. This five day old reality that began with a heart aflutter the second he saw Anne dash across a subway station, now enfolded him completely.

Since seeing Anne again, Gilbert had felt like a chunk of his lost self had come back with her. And with it, had also arrived a world of realizations about himself, particularly the part of him that handled loneliness, emptiness, and sadness. For the first time in alarmingly long, he could see their pervading existence and the grasp they had on his life, simply because, they had begun to fade away, and he didn’t know how to feel this light.

Anne’s return in Gilbert’s life, and the complete reinstatement of their friendship, despite the complete reinstatement of his romantic feelings with it, and the complications they brought or the understated pain they came with, in any case, meant for him relief, meant happiness, meant relief, and as he had now begun to see, meant _healing_.

Such a realization only mortified him. He could not stand to place his burdens on Anne or any one person, even if all she had to do was simply _be in his presence_. His helplessness and doubt and dread, and a sting of guilt, grabbed hold of him.

***

Anne returned to the apartment battling embarrassing lows of spirit. There was no sign of Diana. Hurt, ashamed, frustrated, sad, she dragged herself to the bumpy sofa, and almost missed it by a little, plunging herself on it in a defeated, dramatic fashion.

Diana had not left ten minutes before Anne’s arrival, and wasn’t gone another ten before returning with a grocery-bag-full-of-ice-cream-shaped apology. Stunned at the sight of her best friend lying face down on the couch (and troubled by it, knowing how dirty the cushions were), she stood anxiously by the doorframe, unsure of when to make her presence known.

“You’re right, you know,” Anne suddenly spoke, still face down, startling her. “You haven’t been wrong a day in your life,” she said as she rolled on her side, revealing her squished nose and cushion-impressed face. “Also, your gait’s not as graceful as the rest of you.”

“Wh-what-” Diana chuckled as the sight, “-what do you mean?”

“You walk loud,” her friend teased.

“No, before that. About-”

“I’m in love with Gilbert,” Anne blurted, wasting no time to make the declaration, a confounding smile on her face. “But it’s not what you think. He really doesn’t love me back.”

Diana’s eyes opened wide. She remained stunned, and felt Anne’s exact pain strike her own heart with the conviction that her own feelings, about Winifred, were surely unrequited too. If only Anne knew how kindred they were in that moment.

“I’m so sorry, Anne. I don’t know why I...” she didn’t know what to list first, “Why I turned on _you._ I knew this was causing you pain and I was so…needlessly harsh!”

“And I was needlessly defensive. You were right, Dee, even if you _were_ undeservedly harsh. It goes without saying I didn’t mean when said I was sick of you.”

“I know,” Diana smiled, and held up the grocery bag in her hand. “Caramel, vanilla and chocolate. Dinner.”

Then her best-friend instinct, reset, newly calibrated, ever powerful, took her running to Anne, to gift her, her best friend, of any and all lifetimes, the warmest, most urgent of embraces.

* * *

Turning the lock on his apartment door with a forcefulness matching the intensity of his frustrated thought, Gilbert looked around, pained, and shut it gently. Walking aimlessly, from one corner of the living room to another, making circles in the kitchen, sitting down, standing up, running his hand through his hair, cupping his face with his hands, sighing, fidgeting, he longed to escape the series of truths his own conscious was forcing him to face.

Anne had been to the apartment once. Her presence lingered. The wooden spoon from which she tried some of Mary’s stew; the corner she leaned on and looked at him like he’d dreamed for eight long years she would again. Their closeness, restored. Everything restored. _Everything_.

What a tragedy it was that the most beautiful feeling in the world should be so unwelcome. Winnie. _Winnie_. He thought of Winnie. Only then, he thought of Winnie.

Feeling cruel, feeling a villain, he threw himself on the sofa. He’d never missed his family more than in that moment. He felt alone. He felt light years away. From them and from his own self. All his usual ailments, the loneliness, the sadness, the pain of which he managed to keep dormant and easily suppressed, had banded together and crossed an overdue threshold, bursting out of and into him in turns, bombarding him, betraying him, once conquering, then deserting him.

It was overwhelming, and he was long overdue for opening up his heart.

His phone on the table began ringing. It was Bash’s tune.

He took the time to collect himself. Be it simply fate, or an otherworldly telepathic connection between them, Bash was there, calling, and Gilbert had to decide if he was still going to keep fighting it all back in.

* * *

“There was no denying it before, no matter how unconvincingly I tried, and there is no denying it now, no matter how I can try to spin everything, to you or to myself,” Anne confessed as she dug into her ice cream, “I love him, more than just a close friend. I love him, romantically, and desperately so…like I always have! I always knew that if we resumed our friendship, it would mean resuming this saga of pain and internal struggle and I fooled myself into thinking that maybe if I denied it just vehemently enough, I could escape it. I kept lying to myself. Until I couldn’t. I can’t anymore.”

“Anne, to be fair, you lied to yourself for like two days. Three at most. By the fourth you were full on flirting with Gilbert over a pot of stew.”

“But that’s just us, Dee!” Anne laughed, “It’s our relationship and it’s so unique and it makes everything so complicated. There is love between us, of course there is. I know he _loves_ me. In the very beautiful way only he can. But not in _that_ way. I lost my chance for that. He went as far as to declare it to me.”

“Declared it? What even happened this afternoon?”

“Nothing, that’s the thing. At least, nothing out of the ordinary. We joked, we talked. Very openly and without reservation. And he promised nothing romantic would complicate our relationship now.”

“Ugh, Blythe, what is that supposed to mean?” Diana moaned, wondering on Anne’s behalf but also very much her own.

“It means, Dee, that he is with Winnie and all he ever felt about me is in the past and entirely inconceivable to him now!” Anne laughed through the sadness.

“But why would he say that unless he’s scared that’s something you’re worried about. Which, for the Holiest Fuck’s sake, it is not! He wouldn’t say that to you if it was him who was actually worried! It would be rude, if anything.” Diana screamed this passionate speech at Anne believing she had unlocked something mind-blowing, and heaved as she waited for Anne to respond. “Right?!”

Anne’s expression was extremely pained. Her voice went really soft, and full of sorrow.

“I’d like to believe that, Dee, but he wasn’t that specific. Or thinking about it too much, I’m sure. He said it because he thought it needed to be said. All I know is he’s with Winnie. And he and I are close friends, again. I do wish I could risk it, but how? Come between them and then lose him again? And this time it would be entirely my fault. That just can’t happen. I know you think this is silly and unnecessarily complicated but it is!”

“Yeah, Anne, I know it’s a shitshow. And it’s more of a shitshow than you think. But I’m not used to seeing you helpless. It’s almost not you. There must be some solution!”

“There doesn’t have to be one, Dee. You know what? I know I shouldn’t bring up the past anymore and what’s done but it seems I need to, right now, to make sense of this. And the thing is, I don’t want to blame him or myself anymore. So, I- _we_ need to think that all of this, all that’s happened, from the start, is for the best. I mean, what would have happened if Gilbert and I had gotten together when we were eighteen? We were about to go our separate ways. Who could possibly make that work? We would’ve ended up heartbroken.”

“Oh, flawless logic, Anne! You ended up heartbroken anyway! And you would use these exact arguments to justify not speaking to him back when everyone was still on your case about it and now you’re doing it for the opposite reason. There are many what ifs to this scenario and it sucks you should still be contemplating them. ”

“But I’m not, Dee, that’s what I’m saying. I’m happy that at least this way we never attempted and failed. At least this way we just…never were.”

“You lost a perfect friendship over it!”

“Which is exactly why I can’t risk losing it again, thank you! It has pained me for years, not to have him in my life. I can stand not to have something I never did in the first place but when it comes to him, to our friendship, just the slightest chance of losing Gilbert’s friendship again cripples my heart! There’s…there is nothing like _his presence_ in my life. Our stay in Toronto has been a five-day reminder of that.”

Diana seemed too cautious to say anything. In reality, she was holding in a crucial truth, and fighting the need to be by her best friend’s side, while trying to ignore the fact that it also selfishly benefitted her.

“I know it sounds very intense,” said Anne, “It’s just my dramatic self looking to romanticize everything. This is all so fresh and I’m still ‘bearing my soul’. It’s just an acute matter that’s being treated perfectly with the help of my best friend. Very soon, it won’t be a big deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 (already up) is a direct continuation.


	16. Much Charted Territory Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne and Gilbert open their hearts to their closest confidants about their feelings: Anne and Diana hash things out and Gilbert has many important realizations that Bash is there to hear. Part 2.

“You don’t have to dial back, Anne. I’m the one person you can’t censure yourself around. I just never thought I’d ever see you surrender anything to the machinations of fate. Something that was never meant to happen shouldn’t leave this much unresolved. I told you before, I see the same thing now that I saw years ago. Seeing you go through it one-sided just hurts my heart. Fucking Gilbert Blythe! You’ve never been interested in another guy!”

“Hey, I’ve been with other guys.”

“And have you been interested in any of them?”

Anne chuckled. “It doesn’t matter anyway. Gilbert is with Winnie and she’s…perfection.”

_You don’t have to tell me._

“His future is with her. If closure takes eight years then so be it. I have it now. Gilbert and I have a new relationship. This is a fresh start for a us. A clean slate.”

“Hilarious.” 

“I’ll just endure this until I don’t have to.”

Diana felt a wave of selfish pain go through her, knowing she too would have to endure her feelings for Winifred and felt guilt at having them at all.

“So what,” she said in near desperation, “you’ll continue to rejoice this restored friendship while you harbor secret feelings? And what happens when you see more of each other as you’re so happy you can finally do? You had to be away from him for years to barely be over him and the second you see him again you, well,” she gestured vaguely over Anne’s face, “How could this go away if you only grow closer?”

“Dee, I’m fully prepared it won’t.”

“And you’re so willing to just take it? Where’s the Anne that once wouldn’t stop until she heard Gilbert tell him plainly why he changed his mind over his feelings.”

“She gave up when he left. And she’s over it cause it’s been a _hellishly_ long time. Things are really not the same. I know you think it’s unnecessary pain, Dee. But you can see there’s no way around it. Please understand and let’s just call this matter dealt with. I’m ready to move on.”

Diana was now perfectly overwhelmed.

“Stop saying that Anne. I understand perfectly, believe me. This person is perfect for you in every way,” she turned very emotional, “You just know it, not because you came to it by reason, but because your heart screamed it at you the second you saw them. You share so much, but…they are with someone else. Someone who is great, just not for them. But who are you to say, anyway? What can you do? It’s…not up to you.”

“Y-yeah.”

“And you think you’re going crazy because you have known them all of two days. And you’re terrified of being some awful stereotype of your sexuality but the case is that you have never, ever connected with someone at such a level, in such a short time, and it is astounding!”

Anne was now properly perplexed. “Dearest of Dianas, what are you talking about?”

“And you finally understand what your best friend has been going on about all these years,” Diana had long fixed her gaze somewhere in the air, “and speaking of your best friend, she is very much in this mess too. And your happiness would be her happiness but how do you know it would be your…crush’s happiness? So how can you encourage your best friend and remain selfless and still have only her best interest at heart? And what do you say when she says she’ll just endure her endless love in silence when her endless love is with your…person you like.”

“Dee?”

“You really didn’t get any of my hints? They were so tastelessly unsubtle.”

“I’m so sorry, I think I’ve been too focused on me. It never occurred to me. You…like Winifred?”

“I told you it’s more of a shitshow than you think.”

* * *

“Bash!”

“Gilby! I didn’t think you’d answer! I had some time, thought I’d try my luck.”

Gilbert almost teared up. He felt the weight of the universe in his chest, wanting to ease out of his eyes.

“It’s _my_ good luck,” he said. Bash couldn’t begin to know how welcome, and vital, his casual ring was in that moment.

“What are you doing home still? Thought I’d catch you on your way to work.”

“I’m just…” _Overwhelmed? Sad? In the midst of great existential dread?_ “I needed to take my time tonight. How’s movie night? Where’s Delly?”

“Apparently she left some book at Green Gables, and you know, she _had_ to go get it right now. And Matthew probably greeted her with fresh treats, and now he’s keeping her from me!”

“Everyone wants their time with Delly. I can relate.”

“Hey, uh, Muriel showed me your little video message this morning.”

“What’d you think?”

“It was very sweet. Certainly strange to see you and Anne so at ease together.”

“It’s not strange. It’s…our natural state,” he paraphrased Anne from earlier that afternoon.

“Is it? I don’t mean to scold you again or bring anything up, I swear, but I just get mad! If it was so easy, why?” Bash mock-whined, “Why so long?”

Gilbert couldn’t joke along with Bash. He had grave feelings on the matter.

“I’ve actually thought about that a lot this week. Anne and I, I think we’ve finally sort of worked out how to be friends without having this hang over us all the time but, the more she and I grow closer the more I think that question will continue to burden me.”

“Well, I’m sorry I brought it up. I’m sure you don’t have to sweat it anymore.”

“Bash, I’ve been thinking so hard about everything but especially the last few years and I don’t know if it’s because Anne is here or because it was just time that I did but I know I can’t…”

“Gil?”

Gilbert didn’t speak for a while. He only stared at the little corner where his face was, attempting to curate his facial expressions.

“I miss you guys. That’s it. I miss you. I’m so tired of feeling like I don’t have a home. And I know what you’re going to say, but how can I call Avonlea my home when I’ve been away this long? And _this_ is certainly not my home.”

“You’re on a career path, Gil. There’s time for you to come back. We’ve talked about it.”

“I have been so lost, Bash. For so long. Much longer than I can admit. I’ve been…miserable,” he paused and realized what he’d admitted, and only after the initial wish to take it back, did he realize how true the words were. “I mean I have been fine, mostly, of course. But what I’ve really been doing all these years is simply willing myself to do what I think is right, and have no other option than to feel happy about my choices. I can manipulate myself into faux happiness. That’s what I do. My heart suffers for it. And all this time I’ve been just fine being numb, but not anymore. Lately I can’t seem to do anything but feel.”

“But it’s good that you feel, don’t you think? It’s good you don’t want to be numb. This…this is what it means to be alive, to navigate life, complex emotions, strong feelings,” Bash spoke softly, “I think it’s clear whose influence this is.”

“I’m sorry,” a few tears had escaped Gilbert’s eyes, “I don’t mean to burden you with bullshit.”

“What’s bullshit is that you think this is bullshit! I am your family and I’m here for you for as long as I breathe. And no amount of distance has ever made any difference. So, please, please don’t become the opposite of you are. Be sensitive. Tell me, everything.”

“I…I feel like all my adult life I’ve been outside of myself. I’ve made objectively good life decisions and I’ve been motivated by noble goals, but throughout all of it, I’ve never stopped being scared or sad, or lonely, and I don’t think I’ve lived, at all.”

Bash remained quiet, not knowing what to say.

“And I feel awful because I think I have roped Winnie in with me on this too. And I think…I truly thought if anyone could be good for me it was her. And she was. I _have_ been happier this past year, certainly. But somehow,” he paused, dreading his own words, “Somehow not like in the past five days.”

Bash didn’t know what to say.

“I care about Winnie so much, but we should’ve always just stayed friends. I’ve been too lonely and too paralyzed to do anything about it.”

“I understand what you mean Gil, I do. If anyone can understand sadness and loneliness and fear, it’s me. Know that it’s not your fault. We’re human beings, we can’t just pick ourselves up, nor can we depend on one person to help us do it.”

“I know, Bash. And what truly burdens me right now, is that there is one person, besides you and Delly I mean, who does it just by existing,” Gilbert paused as he unearthed the last bits of brutal honesty he had in him. “For years I’ve felt like I’ve been clawing for scraps of joy but around Anne, in any case, there an abundance of it.”

Bash smiled softly. “I know exactly what that is.”

“It’s been four days since we saw each other again, Bash, and I already…”

He couldn’t finish the sentence.

“What, Gilby?”

“I’m already in love with her, again. Or still, I think.”

Bash didn’t say anything. He only laughed, seemingly tired of the shenanigan this old story was.

Gilbert laughed with him. “Shouldn’t you get up to dance right now?”

“Given the disappointment of last time, I’ll withhold until I’m certain I have reason to.”

Gilbert’s smile immediately faded. “Yeah, well, I don’t think you will. I can’t do anything about it. I even promised her this wouldn’t happen again.”

“What, you actually promised her you won’t fall in love with her?”

“I promised nothing would ruin our friendship.”

“And you’re absolutely certain that telling her you love her will ruin it?”

“Bash I’m not complicating a matter that’s uncomplicated here. It’s already a mess and I’m just trying to navigate it. I can’t lose Anne again. We have just finally figured out how to be close friends again. And I’m-” he sighed heavily, “Winnie. There’s something else I have to do first.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You know, it’s not hard at all to make yourself believe you’re in love with her. I do love her, very much, but…”

“Yes, I understand the tragedy.”

“If I can salvage my friendship with Anne and Winnie I should be fine not being with either.”

“But what happens when you break up with Winnie? Is it Anne’s shoulder you’ll lean on?”

“Well, I was hoping yours.”

“I’m just saying, how much honesty can there be in your friendship if you go back into it with secret feelings? Who is that fair to?”

“Bash, If things end up…if I love Anne and she doesn’t love me back, does that mean I should let her go again and for good? After everything that’s happened, could our friendship only work if it’s entirely uncomplicated by feelings?”

“I’m sure not.”

“Because that would mean I’m being selfish. And I feel exactly like I felt when I told her and regretted it.”

“You’re as far from selfish as it gets Gilbert.”

“I just don’t want a reality without Anne. I can’t go through that again. And the idea of being solely responsible for it, I couldn’t live with that.”

“I’m sorry, Gil,” Bash had exhausted his advice.

“It’s alright Bash, believe me,” Gilbert smiled. His face shone. He was considerably unburdened, but no one was close enough to him to see the difference. “Right now I feel better than I’ve felt in a long, long time. Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During my long break from the story I have been very busy with exams but I never thought it would stop me from posting. I think this was just a particularly difficult chapter to write, and I never seemed satisfied with it which is why it took so long to write and edit. I'm certain the next chapters won't take long (at least not as long!). Thank you for your patience and I hope everyone is safe and at peace. I'm glad to be back to my source of joy and peace!


	17. "Selfless Resolutions"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saturday. Morning, afternoon and evening. Anne and Diana go on a quick road trip, and continue to discuss their feelings and address the mess they're in, despite wanting so hard to leave it behind. Plus, a few glimpses into Winifred's point of view.

‘Hey Diana, have a safe flight back,’ was the text message Winifred composed the second she woke up. ‘I’ll miss you,’ she added, promptly erasing it, for fear of seeming too eager a friend. ‘I can’t wait till you’re back,’ was a more indirect way of expressing the sentiment, she thought, but then realized that sounded more eager somehow, so she erased that too. ‘You better keep in touch!’ she almost settled on, but quickly saw how that was the worst of them all.

She put the phone down for a moment, and began to contemplate why for the first time ever, as far as she could recall, she was second guessing a simple text to a friend. When had that ever happened before? When was the last time she had even spent twenty minutes in bed worrying over such a matter? A non-matter! _Diana’s a new friend, and a very good friend, I know that already. It’s been forever since I made a close friend, that’s all._ _God it’s truly been forever._

The realization was chilling.

‘See you soon!’ she was happy with enough to send, though she couldn’t help a barely identifiable feeling of gloom at the oversimplification of what she felt and longed to make known to her friend. It had been a long time since she’d been seized by such a huge wave of affection for someone right away, or made a connection so strong that just the realization of it felt a momentous revelation.

With these thoughts in mind she got up and continued on with her day off. Not because she wanted to, but because it was incomprehensible that she should even indulge in laziness. What other people would rightfully consider much deserved and well-needed rest, she felt she could do without. She had errands to run and people to meet and activities to attend, and never before had it occurred to her to choose not to if she didn’t want to.

* * *

At that same time, Anne and Diana had not long hit the road. The previous night, after their ice cream tackling of their love sorrows had introduced a little alcohol, they had spontaneously decided to make the weekend their own with a road trip, and that morning they’d rented a car, and gone through with it.

“I’m so happy we’re doing this,” said Anne, rested in her seat.

“Me too,” Diana smiled, eyes on the road.

“Do you think Cole is up yet? We should call him. He’s going to be jealous.”

“I wouldn’t flatter us so much.”

“I’m ringing him,” Anne took Diana’s phone. “Oh, you have a text. From _Freddie_ ,” she playfully over pronounced the beloved nickname.

“What does it say?”

“'Hey Diana, have a safe flight back. See you soon!'”

“That’s lovely,” Diana said a tad wistfully, “Very thoughtful of her.”

“It says ‘See you soon’ exclamation point. That’s pretty enthusiastic. And quite playful for Winifred.”

“It’s just a text, Anne. You won’t make me feel better by analyzing it.”

“What a bizarre scenario this is!” said Anne, and let out a hearty laugh.

“What?” Diana asked annoyed.

“Remember when I was telling you how great Winifred was, and you didn’t want to hear it? You were just so focused on being mad at Gilbert. Little did you know-”

“I have gone over every little bit of irony in this situation, Anne. I know!”

“Should I text her something back?”

“Not right now. Later, maybe. Or tomorrow, when we come back.”

“Are you going to tell her you’re staying a few more days?”

“Well, I’m not going to lie to her. But I am nervous to see her again. I feel like this friendship has started off so disingenuously.”

“This is how you feel, Dee. It’s something you can’t really help. It’s romantic and… quite so tragic.”

“I don’t wish to romanticize any part of this, Anne.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“What about you? You will see Gilbert again, right? You _are_ the bestest of friends,” Diana teased.

“Yeah, of course I will. I told you, the joy of that eclipses any kind of pain I might have because of the feelings I’m concealing,” Anne playfully repeated her sentiments as if by heart.

Diana smiled in admiration at Anne’s lovely resolution.

“Barf,” is what she said, snickering, then added, “But you’re right, Anne. You’re gracious and kind and my personal role model.”

“Hmm, I can’t say I like this much,” Anne smirked. “I really miss when all you did was talk sense into me.”

“Well, the only sense I have for you right now is to drop this discussion and focus on the trip.”

“Yes, dropped. I’m ringing Cole.”

* * *

Winnie’s day went on quite productively, though not as happily as one would’ve wished. It regrettably included lunch with her parents, who posed to her questions about her and Gilbert that she found worryingly annoying. Questions about them moving in together, about what would happen if Gilbert wanted to move back home, about whether she truly saw a future with him. All matters she and Gilbert did not discuss.

For a large chunk of their relationship, the reason for that was solely him. Winifred had gone at his pace, satisfied at just him being her partner, in title and a few relationship duties, but not in a deeper connection. Not in what she was certain she witnessed between him and Anne, romantic or not. Not in something she had not thought to want, or realize she could have. There was a reason she was beginning to understand such a concept, but it was very young, and all too soon for her to put a name on.

At that point, it only manifested itself in an urge to look at her phone, awaiting a text from her new friend Diana, feeling that knowing she’d arrived home safely was more of a priority to her than anything on her to do list.

It was scary to think that her routine, her set-in-stone life plans could be uprooted. She felt that fear as she considered her reality as Gilbert’s girlfriend, and felt it even more as she shrugged off all of those thoughts and texted her boyfriend.

* * *

At an inn miles away, Anne and Diana relied on each other’s unmatched company to get them through the love debacle they were having quite a tough time escaping. It had been a record number of hours since one of them had mentioned it. Until Anne spoke.

“It’s kind of endearing to be in this with you, I have to say,” she said as the two sat on their balcony, gazing at the night sky, “Just when I didn’t think we could be more kindred.”

“Anne, what did I say?” said Diana in her forced deadpan tone, “No romanticizing. And no more discussing the matter. We’ve been doing so well all day.”

“I can’t really help it, Dee. There’s not much else occupying my mind right now. What are _you_ thinking about?”

“I was actually thinking about how grateful I am to have _you_. I need to thank you.”

“What for?”

“I think anyone whose brain is mainly driven by reason would call me crazy or at least completely delusional about my feelings for Fred-Winifred, call them a stupid whim, and urge me to grow up. You know, all the negative thoughts roaming my own brain about all this.”

“Whereas I…?”

“Whereas you,” Diana smiled, “You are just insane enough, and romantic enough, to trust and not question me, despite everything.”

“I understand what you’re feeling, that’s all. It’s actually the sort of thing I always wished _would_ happen to you one day. To be really honest, like brutally honest, I love how it’s humbled you.”

“That _is_ brutal.”

“I understand the guilt really well, though. It’s rampant with me too. You know how I keep saying _it_ is all for the best?”

Diana nodded.

“To continue being brutally honest,” Anne took a deep breath, “I feel a great deal of guilt admitting my willingness to live with the situation as it is. I don’t feel sincere. I would never do anything to hurt Gilbert and Winnie’s relationship, of course, but I feel it’s only fear that’s keeping me from doing something about my feelings, not…selflessness. I don’t buy my own pretend sincerity, and I know you don’t either, but you’re not scolding me for it, so I know things are pretty dire.”

“Anne, don’t think for a second that _I_ think you’re being insincere. Don’t even let yourself tell you you aren’t. You’re justified in what you’re feeling. You and Gilbert have a past, and what a past it is.”

“It’s not about whether I’m justified in my feelings. It’s about thoughts that are unfair and kind of cruel, that I can’t help.”

“Like?”

“Like, I can’t help but wonder, what do Gilbert and Winnie talk about? What do they do? How did they even come to happen?”

“Good philosophical inquires.”

“Don’t joke. You understand what I mean.”

“I do, and it’s no use wondering. They love each other, for all we know. Right?”

“I feel like to anyone that doesn’t know them well, they are a perfect match. I don’t know about that. But it’s really not my place to say, is it, or make that judgment unbiasedly!”

“I know Anne! That’s why we’re out here still moping!”

“I wonder, is he open with her the way I know it’s hard for him to be. The way he is…with me,” Anne teared up slightly. “You know, I texted him earlier. Something about us breaking our streak today by not seeing each other.” She then burst out laughing in pain. “We did see each other every day this week, exactly like you predicted.”

“Anne,” Diana passionately turned to her friend, “We did make a resolution, didn’t we. Let’s follow through. Despite everything, we will focus on our friendships. They’re the most important thing here. I know that Freddie makes me want to be as selfless as I can be. And I know that just knowing her is going to make my life better. So I won’t waste any more time feeling guilty about liking her, nor will I let my feelings helplessly consume my every waking minute. Although it is a very fresh feeling, I have to say. I know she wants to be my friend. She’s gone out of her way to tell me. That’s what I’ll be. The feelings are quite irrelevant.”

“Let’s toast,” Anne eagerly poured them their drinks.

“Let’s,” Diana took her up, “To what? Unrequited love? For the last time, though!”

“No. To soulmates,” said Anne decidedly. “I have mine right here.”

The two smiled their biggest smiles, clinked glasses, and rested their heads on each other’s shoulders, no shortage of love in their lives.

* * *

Gilbert had just made it home from his long shift, wanting nothing more than to rest. Work had been a welcome distraction from the fresh anxiety that gripped his mind and heart, but when the white coat came off and the good doctor clocked out, it all returned, not to leave him again.

He was in the middle of such a bout of emotional pain when he received a text. From Anne.

“I hope you had a good day. It sucks we broke our streak today. Screw overcompensation.”

He laughed audibly, and before returning the text, he wrote back to Winnie, confirming dinner for the next day, well set in what he was going to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He will have done it next chapter.


	18. An Amicable Split

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Anne and Diana continue to navigate the emotional mess they’re in together, Gilbert and Winifred break things off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cutting right to the chase here.

“I don’t know what to say. I’m…astonished.”

“I know it comes as a surprise-”

“Oh, it’s no surprise. That’s the astonishing part. That I saw this coming,” Winifred’s tone betrayed an inner outrage that only then had come alive in her. “I saw it coming and I just looked away.”

Gilbert didn’t expect the reaction. He hadn’t known what to expect at all. He remained silent. 

“I presume this has all to do with Anne,” Winifred spoke in a reserved tone. She was emotional, but resigned to what she knew to be the truth.

Gilbert looked down. He felt he owed her his honesty, but had no idea exactly how much of the truth to tell her.

“Gilbert, do you think I didn’t see it? I doubted some sort of romantic past between you in the few times you shared her articles with me, let alone when I witnessed you two together. I wanted to ask you about it right away but you started speaking about your bond and what you’ve been through together and how could I? I told myself it’s because you’re family, as you say, but it’s not brotherly affection you have for her. You know, I would have never been angry if you told me the truth. Especially if it was followed by ‘That’s all in the past and I’m over everything’. But that was never the case right, and you knew it. That’s why you didn’t tell me.”

“This isn’t about Anne, Winnie. This is something I should’ve done a long time ago.”

“Break up with me.”

“Stop wasting your time.”

“Is that really all it was? You wasting my time? That’s what it boils down to? Did you _ever_ love me?”

“I did. I do. I do love you.”

“Just not in the right way and not enough.”

“Winnie, you are exceptional. You deserve someone who can gift you their future without the slightest shred of doubt. I’m really sorry, Win. I really wanted there to be a future for _us_ , I desperately wanted there to be, but I…I can’t make you happy.”

“That is such a bullshit reason and it’s cowardly of you to still be hiding the truth-“

“But it _is_ true. I know I haven’t made things easy for us. I’ve been guarded, I don’t know how to open up and believe me I’ve wanted to. But I’ve realized that all this time, all of my adult life, I’ve been hidden from myself, and by extension from you. You have done nothing but try and make me happy and believe me when I tell you this past year I’ve been much happier than I’d been in a long time. And I’ve tried to do the same for you, and that’s where I know I have failed.”

“I’m not unhappy, Gilbert. That wasn’t even an issue. And it’s not something I ever needed from you. or asked from you. I’m doing exactly what I knew I’d be doing at this age. I’m proud and fulfilled and eager to do more. I just always thought I’d have you by my side throughout. And be by yours so _you_ can do the same. I thought that’s what united us.”

Gilbert gave her a soft and pained look. He didn’t speak.

“But that’s the problem isn’t it,” Winifred looked away from him. “We have such different things in mind,” she paused, gathered her thoughts and continued. “I’ve known for a long time that you miss home. It’s killed me that you could never make this city your home. I always resented that you didn’t ever want to talk about a serious future here. Hindsight is a funny thing. When have I ever fit into your life? Your heart is in Avonlea. Except, except when maybe Anne is here. Only then it might be here.”

Gilbert looked down.

“You do fit into my life, Win,” he said softly. “As my esteemed colleague. As a dear friend. If you’d have me.”

“Gilbert,” said Winifred in calm indignation, “You’re still keeping the whole truth from me.”

* * *

Anne and Diana were on their way back to the city, having found well needed peace in nature and in each other’s unparalleled presence. But, as long as their feelings remained crisp and fresh, _the Mess,_ as it shall succinctly be known, lasted, lingered, prevailed, and meant for them a long, special, overwhelming, barely bearable chapter quite alien to their everyday lives.

“So did Gilbert text?” Diana broke their silence as she drove. “Curiously inquiring in relation to his role as your very good friend. I don’t know about anything else.”

Anne scrunched her face in a way that would’ve made Diana howl in friendly teasing had her eyes not been fixed on the road.

“He sent a ‘hahaha’,” she answered, “Said we don’t need a streak and that he was going to see me soon.”

“Well, he always has time for you.”

“First of all, watch the tone. Second, I know Dee,” Anne pouted. “I’ve imposed! I hate to think so, and Gilbert would certainly deny it. He has actually, but I know our reunion is…well saturated at this point. And he’s so damn busy! They’re so damn busy! They must be aching to spend some time together,” Anne spoke aloud the thoughts that had continued to burden her, “God, I keep forgetting and re-realizing, they have an entire life here, _together_.”

_Well…_

“And here we are, in cahoots, wanting each of them for ourselves, huh?” said a nearly transformed Diana, in a tone of helpless melancholy she wouldn’t have recognized in herself as little as three days before. “I won’t text Winifred,” she added. “I’ve decided. Or maybe I will text her something short, like a decided goodbye. I won’t ask her to meet. It’s not wise right now. When I move here I’ll have to deal with it. I will. I should be able to get over a crush in a few months,” there she spoke like her old self, “And finally be the friend she deserves.”

_Noble, but…_

“I don’t want to begin to think about you moving away,” Anne sighed. “You know, whatever they’re doing right now, especially if they’re together, I pray they’re having a good time and that we’re much more inconsequential than we flatter ourselves to be.”

_As a matter of fucking fact, Anne…!_

“As if your example will let me flatter myself with anything!” Diana laughed.

_Sigh, ladies, sigh!_

* * *

“Nothing happened between me and Anne, Winnie. Nothing ever did. I used to have feelings for her. When we were kids. Our friendship grew separate from that. It wasn’t until senior year that I revealed my feelings to her. I…I did it in a strange way and at a terrible time. I caught her off guard and…and then I left and then we…you already know. We only spoke once in eight years and it didn’t go well. It’s been…a long eight years. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away. I wasn’t sure of what to confess.”

“And now?” said Winifred firmly.

“What?”

“What’s going to happen now?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re telling me you don’t still have feelings for her?”

“I do, but it doesn’t-”

Winnie scoffed at Gilbert’s reluctant long-awaited admission.

“You know, evidently it is very unpleasant to discover not only are you not in a fairy-tale romance, you’re what’s standing in the way of one.”

“There is no fairy-tale anywhere, Winnie. Nothing is going to happen between me and Anne. She is my friend first, that’s all she ever was, and that’s all I need her to be. And I really, really hope that you will be too, Win. Because I need you in my life, I do.”

Winifred heard him, but she was caught up in what had just said to pay any attention to his pleas. She had already been in the middle of timely realizations about herself and this breakup only served to force unto her many more.

“You know what I realize,” she began to contemplate aloud. “That until now, it had never even crossed my mind to want that. The fairy-tale romance. I don’t know where that thought came from. I never thought it possible or even an option to dream of. But now I do! Now,” she surprised herself at the revelation, “I think I’m entitled to it. If I had known that sooner then perhaps I wouldn’t be so damn set on you. Because I saw you, Gilbert, and I knew it. I wanted us to be together. This team, this power couple in our field, _that_ couple, and I didn’t see beyond that. When we met, you seemed the perfect fit. I was so in love with the idea of us together, I didn’t think beyond it. If I think too hard about why I’m with you, why I love you, I think it’s always been to satisfy that. It has. And I can admit it now without guilt.”

Winifred remained overwhelmed after the confession for a long time, having stunned herself with it more than Gilbert. He approached her carefully after some time and continued his reassurances.

“You are incredible, Winnie. You deserve the best this world has to offer, because you work so hard to make it a better place and you do it so selflessly. You - you inspire me every day. For that I will be by your side, I promise.”

“You make this harder by being your dear charming self,” Winnie said deadpan.

“C’mon.”

“I _am_ angry at you,” she said earnestly, “I think that’s mandatory.”

“I understand.”

“I guess I’m supposed to say thank you for the kind words?”

“Not at all, you just have to know I truly mean them.”

“I think I have to tell you you’re bad at sex,” she joked. 

“Ouch, okay,” Gilbert smiled.

Then Winifred’s teasing tone softened again.

“I do also need to tell you,” she breathed in deeply, “That I’ve known where we stood for a long time. I just got really good at ignoring it, because as is apparent, I am not one for change. And I only tried really hard sometimes,” Winnie realized as she spoke, “I think to make up for the rest of the time, when I felt that I didn’t.”

“I never felt that way, Win,” Gilbert assured her. “I was too caught up with my own failings.”

“The thing is,” Winifred had now pointed the arrow of complete honesty towards herself, “I knew that if I were with anyone else, they would expect a lot more from me. You didn’t, and that was such a good deal. I guess we were just detached enough to work.”

There it was, the concise truth of their entire relationship. Who knows how much longer it would’ve lasted if the past week hadn’t forced them to reconsider and face that truth. With this cathartic realization, they felt the air around them settling beautifully. Gilbert offered Winifred a hug, that she accepted, knowing full well that despite the superficial anger she deemed only a fitting reaction to something she didn’t think would happen just yet, deep down she was actually relieved.

For the first time they felt they loved each other the right way. Or at least could begin to.

“Do you think we can work like this?” Gilbert asked, full of hope. “Without the pressure of the attachment?”

“We’ll have to,” Winifred smiled, ”I mean literally, for Hippocrates’ sake. We’re colleagues.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“You will, Dr. Blythe.”


	19. An Iceberg of a Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne and Gilbert have an emotional goodbye, though most of the emotions they feel they have to keep to themselves.

The impossibly lengthy week that had begun with Anne and Gilbert’s reunion at last came to an end, and took with it Gilbert and Winifred’s previously perfectly secure relationship. What followed was a spiral of understated pain, attempts to ignore and suppress it, internal struggle, insecurity, confusion (for some), and a touch of playful misery (for all).

Three days laden with an intense blend of all these emotions passed quickly, with everyone involved experiencing them silently and individually. Anne and Diana had exhausted all talk on their situation, yet would still repeat to each other brave-face affirmations that (not so) secretly made them want to curse and weep.

Diana and Winifred had no contact, and wouldn’t for many days to come.

(A little hint, say, an inside secret: when the day would come that they did, it would signal every piece of this ugly fiasco of a puzzle to finally come together. _Soon, that would be. Soon enough.)_

As for Anne and Gilbert, they exchanged a few friendly words by text, with the occasional intense declaration of _mere_ friendship, as always assumed by the other. On the day of Anne’s final book interview, and her and Diana’s last day in Toronto, Gilbert made the time to see her once more.

***

Anne came out of the offices of the publishing house in a normal, non-celebratory step, not quite in the mood to ceremoniously flaunt her triumph, despite the decided success of the meeting. Ten days before on a rainy afternoon and on that very location, she’d spun with joy with less of an excuse than in that moment.

Disappointed by her own lack of enthusiasm, her demeanor shifted immediately when the object of constant thought appeared before her, flashing his sweet, kind, (nervous) smile. It had been five days since she’d last seen him, enough time evidently, for the wonder at the beautiful sight of him to regenerate and ignite in her that same old adolescent thrill. Anne felt her heart battle for room inside her chest, while all her energy went into feigning composure.

If only she knew how hard Gilbert worked - was working - to do the same. The challenge it was to save face while his soul lit ablaze from the pure joy of seeing her. If only Anne knew that the image of her walking quickly toward him rendered every millimetre of their surroundings entirely nonexistent.

“Well, isn’t this a déjà vu!” Anne shouted giddily as she approached Gilbert.

“How did it go?” he opened his arms to receive her. Their hugs were now perfectly organic, eclipsing any and all pain they might feel, whatever the cause. This was something they wouldn’t trade for the world. This made it all _reasonable_. Worth it.

“It’s done! You can expect ‘A World Where There Are Octobers’ to hit shelves late 2020. Although I don’t think any of it is supposed to be announced yet, so…!”

“Well, my honour to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth,” Gilbert chuckled. “Is that really the title?”

“It’s why we needed a second meeting. I wouldn’t compromise on it.”

“And you got your way!” Gilbert laughed, then turned visibly emotional. “Congratulations Anne! This is _just_ right!”

“Thank you, Gil! It does feel great!” she exhaled, as it rightly did, however woefully softened that greatness was by the…unique circumstances.

“I’m sorry I haven’t seen you these days. I’ve been so-”

“Oh, please, are you kidding? We’ve spent so much time together; I hogged you for the entirety of last week. And I did overstay…You can’t possibly apologize!”

“I’m glad our goodbye was delayed. Not so thrilled now that it’s here.”

“Oh, it’s no goodbye. You’ll see. Considering our still quite recent history, this is but a long hello!” Anne declared. Her tone then softened, “We’ll be in touch. As much as we can. We’ll do it right, like we should’ve always done. We’ll… _overcompensate_.”

“Will you do me a favour?” Gilbert asked softly.

“Anything.”

“Will you tell everyone in Avonlea how much I miss them, especially Matthew and Marilla? Tell them I miss them more than they can imagine. And that…they’re my family.”

_That I love them. And I love you._

Anne teared up slightly.

“Of course I will. They’ll be so happy to hear that. I can tell you right now, they’ll say they miss you more. And that you’re their family too.”

_As well as mine. Always._

“Oh, and please tell Jerry too,” Gilbert smiled, “And make sure to give him my congratulations on the head chef gig.”

Anne let out a laugh.

“I will. Anything else you want to say…to _me_?” she bravely fixed her eyes on him for a moment. Gilbert gazed back, wanting desperately to blurt out the truth, feeling that no question could’ve set up his ready answer better, until, Anne promptly added in jest “Any other request I mean?” and he had to press it down deep again.

The new development in his life roamed his brain in many differently articulated templates, none of which made it out. Anne wouldn’t know about the breakup for a while longer, and she wouldn’t learn about it from him. _Again, soon enough._

“I’ve gotten so used to having you here,” _I don’t remember what It was like before, at all._ “It’ll be different without you around.”

“Gilbert, we’ve managed before, how fast did you forget!” Anne regretted the overselling nonchalance in her tone the second she felt she had to adopt it at all. “Umm…so, can we expect you in Avonlea for Delly’s birthday? Do I have confirmation on that?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“I need you to be sure cause I want to be the one to tell her. It is an _enviable_ duty.”

“Which is why I wanted to do it-”

“Hey, you’re already the good news itself! Let me at least be the one to deliver it!”

“Alright! Do you leave me a choice?”

“None!” Anne smiled ear to ear in a cartoonish manner. There was no greater joy than the full return of this rapport. “I’ll come visit too, you know!” she then said softly, “Especially when Diana moves here.”

“Oh, I forgot about that! U of T beware!” Gilbert only half joked.

They laughed with each other for a moment, until their long drawn out sighs replaced their laughs.

“Well, I guess I have to go pack sometime,” said Anne, with an equal mix of delight and gloom.

“I have to go back to work, too,” said Gilbert, that same mix.

With the impending goodbye drawing closer, the two didn’t rush to fill the following silence. Instead, they let it happen, and kept smiling shyly at each other. It was the only thing keeping them from parting.

“I’m so proud of you Anne,” Gilbert broke them out of it, speaking the words slowly and emotionally, his gaze as intense and Gilbert-esque as ever.

“That means the world, Gilbert. Thank you.”

“I’m so happy we reunited just in time for me to…witness this great achievement!”

“Oh, me too! I can’t imagine being here for days and not seeing you. I mean, it’s happened before but I’m so glad fate intervened this time. I’ll never say that enough. Oh, and that after it did, you decided to follow me here.”

“I haven’t had much time to question that decision. You’re sure it wasn’t…weird?”

“Gilbert, after _all_ this time, and especially after that last time we spoke years ago, making the decision to come here and wait for me…could have been nothing but an act of courage, and _I’m_ nothing but grateful for it. You were the first one of us to take such a step and look at where we are now!”

It took great will power to silence herself right there, to not speak aloud the words she was dying to speak aloud. There had never been a greater need to speak her heart than in that moment, to say ‘I love you’, to _shout_ ‘I love you’, truthfully, readily, wholeheartedly. She would have never had to keep herself from saying those most beautiful, powerful words you can say to someone, if the romantic truth in them wasn’t complicating the matter to this degree.

What even was this malicious nature of romantic love?

Why was it so black and white? Why so all or nothing? She _despised_ it in that moment! She despised the romantic love she had for Gilbert because other than crushing her heart, it forcibly silenced the immense friendly love she also had for him separate from it, despite it, along with it. She would’ve never been so frightened if he had truly just been her friend, and she wouldn’t have had to hold herself so far back.

The same sentiment remained frozen on Gilbert’s lips, as it had for days, years he would say. Why couldn’t impulse overtake him once more, he sighed, and do the work for him? Well, he knew why. Why couldn’t he at least tell Anne of his breakup? He knew that too. He didn’t want her to question the reason. Already there was much to hide, and so much more he was already concealing.

In that cursed moment, much like Anne, he felt he’d rather not be in love at all than have to chip away at their friendship continually.

What does it even mean to be in love with your best friend?

How do you begin to honour the friendship you’ve just salvaged, which you treasure more than anything in the world, while your heart, forced silent, rages with a love you can’t afford to make known?

Still, the thought that this had been his reality for nearly half his life was comforting somehow, and there was no question whether it would continue to be. He’d taken a page out of Anne’s book (a metaphorical one) and was attempting to find solace in romanticizing his love woes.

So, with a great deal frustration, yes, angst, yes, pain, yes, but infinite amounts of love, love nonetheless, love of all kinds, Anne and Gilbert parted for the first time, perhaps ever, on nothing but good terms.

The terms of those terms, a separate issue.

(They’ll have to purge their suffering only a short while more, so as to not face the likes of it _ever again_ , in the entire _lifetime_ awaiting them to spend together.)

***

Anne and Diana went back to PEI the next morning. With time’s old habit of flashing by inconceivably fast, as is the case when life’s a steady routine, the ten days had passed by far more quickly for everyone back in PEI than for the two ladies returning.

The Decameron had instead felt to them a period numerous months long, that on the outside may have seemed a successful work trip with many friendly outings worked in, and a road trip sandwiched in, but which had actually sent them back to PEI forever altered.

Worlds of emotional experiences had been compressed in the affairs of those ten days, and however eager Anne and Diana were to jump back into their routines, worlds different was their post 10-day-trip-to-Toronto reality.


End file.
